Die-Hard is a Christmas Movie

I would like to introduce you to John McClane. John is down on his luck lately. A grumpy curmudgeon, who refuses to apologize. This has driven a wedge between himself and his wife, Holly (could they have chosen a more Christmasy name). Desperate and alone, John travels to California in hopes of a miraculous reconciliation with Holly.

When he get there, things are weird. And not just because this is California. John hoped that Holly would be doing poorly, but instead she is thriving. To make this things worse, Holly has even started using her maiden name.

John cannot deal with this. Even when she offers an olive branch, he isn’t capable of grasping it and they fight. It looks like John is going to be alone for Christmas. But wait…

It’s Christmas, Theo, it’s the time of miracles

John wants nothing more than to be seen as relevant by his succesful spouse and for all of this California-based madness to just go away. Something Argyle quickly surmises on the limo ride to Nakatomi Plaza.

You mean you thought she wouldn’t make it out here and she’d come crawling on back, so why bother to pack?

Just when things are at their darkest for John, his Christmas wish comes true.

An office Christmas party turns from a triumph for his wife, into a stage for John to demonstrate his excellence. He does this despite overwhelming odds. Cheating death again and again, as if guided by some magical force.

In the end, Nakatomi’s Los Angeles headquarters lies in ruin, Holly starts using his last name again. Heck, her shedding the gold watch the company gave her for all her hard work is what allows her to live!

It’s a fiery mess of a day. Yet, somehow it is a happy ending.

This is the story of John McClane, a sad lonely man, who had one wish for Christmas. To get his wife back on his own terms and he did. In the most improbable way possible.

Hans was right, Christmas is a time of miracles. Just not for him.


The Retroist

Editor/Podcaster at Retroist
The Retroist is like a BBQ on a bun without the bones. You're only human daddy. Chomp!

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