Coleco - Skulk

Secaturs Laid Low By Bugs…Coleco Confidential!

Holy cats, how long has it been since I’ve graced you boils and ghouls with a lil’ purple prose from your’s cruelly ’round these parts? Too long I say…and just why have I made my return with all of the award losing style and grace I am known for? Well, because ol’ vicious Vic Sage posted about those sexy Sectaurs the other day and that got my ol’ noggin juices a flowin’!

You see, I lived my misspent youth in a bucolic little industrial town nestled within the foothills of the Adirondack mountains…and what we lacked in big box retailers and solid gold roller skate rinks we more than made up for in poopy smelling factories; 99% of which were leather mills…but oh, the other glorious 1% was a manufacturing plant for none other than Coleco (which I guess isn’t so strange when you realize Coleco started life as the Connecticut Leather Company).
Coleco - Davy Crockett

And what did those nimble lil’ fingers of those industrious workers put together? A bunch of stuff, but also Sectaurs…that is until the incident (cue dramatic music and thunderstorm f/x).
Coleco - Amsterdam - New York

You see, those bodacious bugs our insect pals road around on were covered in fur, and said fur was flown in from parts unknown (perhaps Symbion itself…or China…I’m going with Symbion), and said pelts, though synthetic, were loaded…nay, infested with fleas…and that’s all she wrote on that one. Alanis couldn’t have come up with richer irony than a bug based toyline taken down by bugs…
Coleco - Sectaurs Catalog

There are other stories too, like every kid in school who’s parents worked at that plant had a talking ALF doll…it was like unto a furry Dr. Theopolis (Theopoli…biddi biddi biddi…whatevs) hanging off their person dispensing that beloved Melmacian wit.
Coleco - Talking Alf Doll

Or the fact that enterprising scamps would scale the fence of the factory, steal Colecovision eproms from the dumpsters and sell them to kids sort of like (but definitely not for legal reasons) me. But that is a tale for another age my fine fiends!

[Via] Scottith Games

Speaking of Melmacian wit, cast your peepers on this vintage Coleco commercial for one of their dolls!

[Via] PhakeNam

Review: Female Prisoner Scorpion: The Complete Collection !


RELEASE DATE: Available Now on DVD
DIRECTED BY: Shunya Ito, Yasuharu Hasebe
STARRING: Meiko Kaji

How many of you out there are familiar with the popular “women’s prison” cycle of exploitation flicks made most famous by B-Movie producer/living legend Roger Corman in the 1970’s? How many of you are proud to admit that fact like your’s cruelly? Well let me tell ya Chuck; if you think you’ve seen it all in that tawdry genre, the FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION series will absolutely melt the eyes right out o’ yer skull – in a fun way, I assure you.

A lil’ history before we begin. Created by Japanese manga artist T’ru Shinohara in 1970; the Sasori (Scorpion) series told the tale of Nami Matsushima, an inmate in a women’s prison that has to endure all manner of abuse from fellow prisoners and sadistic guards alike before beginning a bloody trail of revenge against her tormentors as well as her corrupt police officer boyfriend who did her wrong. Starting in 1972; Toei Company produced a series of four films detailing Matsushima’s outrageous exploits. And that brings us to Arrow Video’s new Blu-ray/DVD combo release; FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION!

Let’s take this baby film by film, shall we?


After being framed by her police officer boyfriend Sugimi to gain favor with the Yakuza (who proceed to brutalize her), our heroine Nami Matsushima attempts to stab him to death in revenge. She is then sent to what has to be the worst prison ever (although the near constant brutality that transpires there takes on a decidedly surreal comic book tone – no surprise given the series origins). Slowly Matsushima finds her footing within the system and lashes out against a particularly nasty prison gang before being targeted by death (in a plan hatched by Sugimi and his Yakuza pals). This of course fails, and what follows is a non-stop whirlwind of violence, riots, and really snappy hats.

Comprised of equal parts nastiness, sadistic comedy, and full on art house surrealism; FEMALE PRISONER #701: SCORPION is both a rock solid start to the series, and a truly unique entry in the salacious women in prison genre. Thrown into the heady mix is an element of socio-political commentary dealing with abuse of power and the degrading treatment of women in society that plenty of drive-in fare of the time dealt with. Silent and stoic; Matsushima’s journey from victim to anti-hero is engaging stuff and easily brings to mind the burdened heroes of the Spaghetti Westerns of the time such as Corbucci’s DJANGO (1966).


After attempting to murder the prison warden, Matsushima triggers a full on riot; which ultimately fails. Crucified (literally) for her troubles, Matsushima then suffers at the hands of four guards dressed as monks (trust me; it gets weirder). Soon Matsushima along with a handful of fellow convicts are shipped to a hard labor camp, and while returning to the prison they orchestrate an escape. The convicts flee to what appears to be an abandoned village; but appearances can be deceiving as it is revealed that an ancient women lives within a house in the village – and when I say revealed, I mean the whole damn house collapses heralding her arrival on the scene. What follows is a surreal piece that explains the individual crimes of the convicts. The hag soon gives Matsushima a knife before turning to leaves and blowing away; as one does. The journey continues as deviant tourists, bloodthirsty prison guards, and the police all attempt to end our “heroine’s” flight.

Packed with even more off-kilter insanity then the first film; FEMALE CONVICT SCORPION: JAILHOUSE 41 is an excellent follow up to the first film. The plot is as slim as that of the first; but the absolute “anything goes” mentality of the production makes it inconsequential (as the strength of the Matsushima character did in the first). Speaking of Matsushima; she is utilized differently here. The feelings of the other convicts in the story take center stage; while she is utilized more as silent observer who strikes only when it is deemed absolutely necessary (similar to how the main character of DESPERADO was utilized in ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO). It’s an interesting concept that makes Matsushima seem to transition from anti-hero to legendary figure; and keeps the proceedings fresh.


The third film in the Scorpion series begins with Matsushima already on the run. Before long she falls in with a troubled prostitute, who has become pregnant as the result of an ultra-wrong relationship (this is a family site so I’m not going to go into it here; but trust me when you see what I’m talking about there will be a SILKWOOD style shower in your future). Of course multiple parties (including the police and an ex-prison mate of Matsushima) all converge to give our heroine a ton of static.

FEMALE CONVICT SCORPION: BEAST STABLE is divergent from the previous entries in that almost none of the film’s runtime takes place in a prison (the previous film was like that as well; but there were the elements of the convicts banded together and the work camp that gave it much more of a typical women in prison vibe). Matsushima lives a mundane existence for a portion of the story; she gets a job, makes friends – she’s still a living statue, but she at least has the basics of a normal existence.

Also missing for the most part are the over-the-top surrealist sequences (which works in creating a more sedate vibe – but nonetheless they were greatly missed, though there is a great sequence that takes place in a white room with gallons of the ol’ gore splashed about). The one thing that does remain in place is the shocking violence; with a sequence involving a severed arm being a real devious delight.


In the final installment; Matsushima is once again roaming around outside of prison walls. This time she is hiding out in a wedding chapel when police sniff her out. She of course escapes and falls in with a worker in a sex club (he does the lights in case you were wondering) named Kudo. As fate would have it; ol’ Kudo is a radical with a long history of being on the receiving end of some serious police brutality. Before long it is brought to the fuzz’s attention that Kudo is harboring everyone’s fav fugitive so they beat the ever lovin’ tar out of him then tail him to Matsushima’s hiding place. Matsushima is then incarcerated and sentenced to death by hanging – we all know how well that goes.

With a change of director (Yasuharu Hasebe steps in for the previous film’s Shunya Ito) comes a change in tone. Gone entirely (save for the final set-piece) are the hyper-stylized near theatrical set pieces of the previous films. This film also seems a bit plodding where the previous entries never did.
To rate the series as to my level of enjoyment from the best to the worst (though even at its lowest ebb, this series still manages to entertain in the way that only true cult cinema can) my ranking would go as follows:





The films contained in this release are reason enough to make this a worthy addition to any collection of off-beat exploitation cinema, but there are a few extra features that serve to round out the package including “appreciations” of the series from journalists and film makers, trailers, archival interviews with the creators behind the series, and an informative video essay.

In conclusion I would highly recommend this release to anyone that loves either the “women in prison” genre, solid revenge cinema, or those that are looking for a wholly unique exploitation cinema viewing experience!

You can pick up your own copy of FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION right here!


Those awesomely awesome folks over at Vinegar Syndrome are at it again; this time bringing us an outrageously entertaining double release featuring THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN and LADY COCOA!


WRITTEN BY: Mikel Angel
DIRECTED BY: Matt Cimber
STARRING: John Daniels, Eli Haines, Tom Hankason

THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN concerns the adventures of The Baron; a laid-back pimp with a cool @$$ ride. As the flick begins we see two racist cops trying to trap The Baron with an undercover officer dressed as a woman that is about as convincing as Uncle Milty in drag. Much wah-wah sax ensues.

After that non-sequitur we see The Baron rescue on of his “girls” from an abusive relationship before meeting up with the ultimate pimp caricature named Dusty Compton. The two then engage in a rousing game of billiards for ownership of a new working girl – yeah; it was a different time folks; a cartoony, over-the-top, awesome as all get-out time. Dusty of course loses and blames the white cue ball. I love this film.

Well ol’ Dusty doesn’t take losing lightly and uses his mob connections to try and take out The Baron – who of course escapes by blasting his way to freedom courtesy of the machine guns hidden in the headlights of his tricked out Rolls Royce. He then hands the woman he won a sack of cash and sends her on her way. I really love this film.

We then learn The Baron is only in the pimpin’ game part time; the rest of the day he’s a married family man (they think he’s a traveling insurance salesman ‘natch) in the suburbs living a Norman Rockwell style existence.

Before long The Baron is up to his rakish fedora in violence as he takes on the mob, the cops, and even the owner of the massage parlor he runs his business out of (although that inexplicably turns into a slapstick comedy).

I can’t sing the praises of THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN enough. If you love the outrageous, comic book antics of DOLEMITE over the more sedate action of SHAFT then this is the film for you; it’s colorful, absurd, and completely of its time – in other words; it’s Grade-A, rad-@$$ awesomeness of the highest caliber!


While THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN makes this 110% worth owning, you do get a second feature in this release (also by director Cimber); namely:


WRITTEN BY: Mikel Angel
DIRECTED BY: Matt Cimber
STARRING: Lola Falana, Gene Washington, Alex Dreier

In snowy Nevada, Lady Cocoa finds herself holed up in a luxury hotel/casino; a virtual prisoner (as opposed to the actual one she is as the film opens) of an aging Police Lieutenant and a beat cop charged with keeping her alive long enough to testify against her racketeering criminal boyfriend.

After much whining from L.C.; she is allowed to gamble, shop, and have dinner with a couple of groovy newlyweds. Seems prosaic enough right? Well wouldn’t you know it, Cocoa’s boyfriend is none too pleased with the thought of her spilling the beans so he sends out a couple of hitmen (one of them a silent Mean Joe Greene) to make sure her tongue stops wagging permanently.

Less over-the-top than THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN; LADY COCOA is nevertheless immensely entertaining as well. The emphasis here is more on character interaction and dynamics rather than near cartoon-like characters and violence; but there are outrageous elements at play as well such as a car chase featuring said vehicle driving through the casino and into a pool and a bathroom shootout. A few other items make this a stand-out in the Blaxploitation genre as well; namely the location and the score.

Utilizing the snowy locales of Lake Tahoe; LADY COCOA has a visual sense unlike any other film in the genre (whose locales were more often than not large urban areas). It gives to proceedings an odd; almost surreal quality.

As for the score; it boasts a rousing re-working of Pop Goes the Weasel (the film??s original title) performed by Falana herself; but the soundtrack contains an instrumental version of the song that plays a few times too many.

Unlike THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN (whose sole extra in an introduction by Director Cimber); LADY COCOA features a full commentary track by the same. Informative, lively, and packed with anecdotes; this track was one of the more enjoyable I have ever heard (and the conversation turns to include discussion of THE CANDY TANGERINE MAN as well.


If you dig on flicks like DOLEMITE or SUPERFLY, or are curious as to just why the drive-ins of the 1970’s were so damn cool, then this is the release for you (you can grab a copy right here!); colorful characters, outrageous situations and preposterous fashion choices make for a great night’s viewing indeed!

Blu-ray/DVD Combo Review: THE HUMAN TORNADO!



RELEASE DATE: Available Now on Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack
WRITTEN BY: Jerry Jones, Rudy Ray Moore, Jimmy Lynch
DIRECTED BY: Cliff Roquemore
STARRING: Rudy Ray Moore, Lady Reed, Jimmy Lynch

Dolemite is back; and he makes his grand re-appearance in the only way possible; by descending a small hill while wearing a cape emblazoned with his own name. A fashion show/kata demonstration then takes place followed by a comedy routine. This is all in the first 7 minutes of THE HUMAN TORNADO and all of it has nothing to do with establishing any semblance of a plot. Such is the way of the Dolemite films and the free-wheelin’ insanity they deliver.

When the flick finally does get around to the plot it goes a lil’ somethin’ like this; after an outrageously cartoony racist sheriff (who looks like a shaggy Kenny Rogers) catches Dolemite getting it on with his wife; Dolemite high tails it out of town (after shooting one of the sheriff’s men and leaping down a large embankment all while completely naked) to sunny California.

Following a few impossibly 70’s musical numbers and a bit of business involving the Mafia (represented by even more living cartoons) kidnapping some of Dolemite’s gal-pal Queen Bee’s girls, Dolemite reunites with Queenie.

After some sort of naked bed-based exercise regimen which also involves makin’ sweet love, eating a meal, and a bowl of fruit (trust me, even after you see it you won’t believe it); Dolemite begins a whirlwind attack against the mob. Along the way you are also treated to an “erotic” dream sequence brought on by viewing a black velvet painting which dovetails into Dolemite having “relations” with the mob boss’ wife so forcibly that the house they are in literally begins collapsing – you know what, I’m going to stop right there. You already want to see this.

In addition to all of the outrageousness listed above; the fine, sexy devils at Vinegar Syndrome have saw fit to pack this release of THE HUMAN TORNADO with plenty of extras as well. Besides a restored 2K scan of the film from 35MM; you also get; the continuation of the “I Dolemite” featurette from the DOLEMITE Blu, a fun and informative commentary track from co-star Jimmy Lynch (moderated by Rudy Ray Moore biographer Mark Jason Murray), the DER BASTARD cut of the film in German (which is surreal beyond belief), an audio interview with the flick’s director Cliff Roquemore and martial arts champion Howard Johnson (who also cameos in the film), a still gallery, a radio spot, the film’s soundtrack, and trailers for both THE HUMAN TORNADO and DOLEMITE.

As much as I love DOLEMITE, I have to admit that THE HUMAN TORNADO is even better! Stuffed with sped up karate, rats eating “sensitive areas”, ludicrous ADR, surprisingly forward thinking acceptance (Lady Java is man baby!), and Ernie Hudson’s brother utilized as an unconvincing stand-in; THE HUMAN TORNADO is a must-own piece of insane genre sin-ema history; and this release from VinSyn gives it the love and attention it so richly deserves!