Saturday Frights: Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)


Oh, isn’t this just great? “Closed for Labor Day Weekend”. Do you think anyone coulda rung the crypt and told the ol’ Ouija Board Kid that he didn’t have to come to work? To think, I even sharpened my fangs and picked the spider legs out of my hair…and it was all for naught. Well, since I’m here, and all of you gore hounds showed up, I might as well put the place to good use!
But what to watch? I’m in the mood for a riveting flick based on a true story, but it has to reflect the Daniel XIII lifestyle. What’s this? Ahhh…perfect! Gather round boils and ghouls cuz it’s time to rock n’ roll all night and party everyday with the award winning documentary Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park!
Wait, you need to know a bit more about this flick before you commit to a solid 90 minutes? Well, grab a fistful of that day old popcorn and some of those Rasinettes…wait, those aren’t raisins…I told Vic we had a rat problem, and what did he say? “It adds ‘atmosphere’”. More like adds a case of the plague if ya ask me…Anyway, plot!
This flick concerns the world famous rock band Kiss as they meet a Phantom (or robotics expert…same thing) in a Park (well an amusement park). So I guess they should have called it “Rock Band Kiss Meets the Robotics Expert that Works in an Amusement Park”. Also featured in the picture are albino werewolves, samurais, magic talismans, shag carpeting, chest hair, an evil robot version of Kiss, and Brion James…you know, the things Kiss may experience on any given Tuesday.
I just wish my erstwhile co-workers Vic Sage, Doug McCoy, Claymation Werewolf and Phisbon3s were here to experience the majesty of this film with me…and to clean the barf in theater 2. O.K. mostly for the barf.
Now, sit back and enjoy the show (conveniently busted up into a brief 14 parts)! You will believe a man can fly…and shoot laser beams out of his eye that is painted to look like a star…

Daniel XIII

Daniel XIII: equally at home at a seance as he is behind the keyboard! Raised on a steady diet of Son of Satan comics, Kaiju flicks and Count Chocula, ol' XIII is a screenwriter, actor, and reviewer of fright flicks! What arcane knowledge lurks behind the preternatural eyes of the Ouija Board Kid?

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