Parents Beware! The Lurking Evil in your Home is the old Mascot for Pop Tarts!

Here is a Pop Tarts commercial I found while digging around for retro TV spots. I’d never seen it before. It now haunts my already haunted nightmares.

Seriously, a talking toaster? At least it’s not a personified Pop Tart trying to cannibalize its own species. But still, its clearly a talisman of evil. Slowly, while you bathe, it creeps up towards you…

milton-toaster

I do want to say that I love Pop Tarts. I don’t keep them in the house because…I love them too much. However, for those who remember the old paper/foil packaging, that wrapping was somehow more enticing than the flimsy foil bag they are in now. Probably because it rubbed off cancerous lead on your fingers. But it was a satisfying feeling when you opened it up.

Lastly, we all know that frosted Pop Tarts are the ONLY Pop Tarts, right?

Patrick J. Doody

Patrick J. Doody is a horror nerd and Mexican Pepsi enthusiast living in Los Angeles.He writes movies and makes TV shows. Check out his latest endeavor, Beyond Stranger Things streaming on Netflix.

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12 thoughts on “Parents Beware! The Lurking Evil in your Home is the old Mascot for Pop Tarts!

  1. “Couldn’t find an extension cord”, because we all know that those loser friends of his live in old farmhouses with no electricity.

  2. Badwolf says:

    Also – her first night away from home and she’s already got the heavy eyeliner going? What is Sam Hill is going on here?

  3. iPadCary says:

    Ah, yes ….

    When Pop-Tarts — and it’s arch nemesis Danish-Go-Rounds — were really what they are.

    Dutch Apple, Chocolate Fudge, Vanilla-Chocolate Fudge [Chocolate pop-tart/vanilla frosting/chocolate filling/chocolate sprinkles] …..

    Time for a Shake-A-Pudding washed down with a root beer Fizzie!

    *sniff*

  4. Atari Adventure Square says:

    Your talks of frosted vs un-frosted Pop-Tarts are a moot point, given the Rise of the Anthropomorphic Cannibal Toaster.

    All fingers painfully clutching hot-beyond-cautioned pastries will be crunched by the sly metal jaws of hungrier kitchen appliances.

    But…since we’re on the subject:
    I myself have been a long-time fan of the frosted variety, if only for the added candy to an already nautiously-sugared treat.
    But, I have been given unfrosted Pop-Tarts at family homes, way, way back in time (and I dare you to say no to free Pop-Tarts!) and, having hesistantly bit into their warm, tender dough, can profess to their inner strength of tarty will-to-delight.

    Alas, it may be my memories of yore, where wild abandon of sugar highs and dental care was the norm…BUT…
    …having had some of the recent pop treats, it just can’t compare.

    Of course, might be the difference in zonal production (usually is), but my Canadian version is nothing like the real thing.

    *sigh*
    I await my fate at the strangling cord of The Mascot.

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