The holiday special The Best Christmas Pageant Ever originally aired in 1983, but I know I didn’t see it until at least 1984. This story of a group of wild kids who get involved in a stuffy church’s Christmas play starred Loretta Swit of M*A*S*H and Fairuza Balk of Return To Oz. I had remembered the monologues Balk delivers to the camera as a part of Return To Oz, but I see now that was a case of cross-memorization. The general idea of the show is pretty clever, as are some of the lines. The “return to Bethlehem” joke was particularly good, and the pussywillow threat scared me for life. You could probably do better at Christmastime, but you could also do worse.