Long before they were shirtless, Native American teenagers running around the Pacific Northwest fighting vampires and pining after high school girls, Werewolves were beasts of horror and legend. These transmogrified men turn wolf have a long and grand history scaring the poo out of people. This week in Cart Art, the full moon is out and we amidst a bevy of games featuring these hairy meat eating machines. So grab your silver bullets and dog whistles because Lycanthropes abound!
Come on, say it with me. “Rise from your grave!” This arcade classic was the pack in title with the Sega Genesis and not only is it a great game, it’s one heckuva cover. The werewolf on the cover here looks like he spent the last 2 years locked in a closet doing crunches and not even dreaming of eating a carb. Not only will this beast shoot a fireball out of his fist, he will look awesome and buff doing it. Good thing when this werewolf changes, he grows a nice hairy loin cloth thingy. Thank you artist! However, what is up with that fish thing on the bottom right of of the box? Is that a werefish? Some sort of were-wide mouth bass? “Welcome to your doom” stupid fish-an-thrope.
Something about this guy’s midsection makes me uneasy. He doesn’t have abs, he has like anti-abs, subducted abs of some sort. Get this man a cheesesteak stat! Was the guy on the bottom right swimming out in the ocean when a lighting bolt struck him, turned him into the beast we see before us. The again, if you had a terrible receding hair line like that guy, you would go to the ends of the Earth for a full head of luscious hair. I know the multiple heads are trying to show the man turning into the werewolf but it seem like the last wolf head on the right is coming out of his crotch. Hey, I didn’t make the cover, I just stare at them long enough to realize this stuff. . . .you’re welcome!
This beast seems less like a werewolf and more like a vampire with a skin condition, a massive widow’s peak and a sweet uni-brow. Look at his clothes. What kinda of self respecting beastman would only tear the cuff of their coat when they undergo the horribleness of the change. I think his shirt is still tucked in for goodness sakes. Seeing this guy on the night of a full moon would not sent me fleeing in terror, he would send me fleeing to my orthodontist.
Werewolves of London
“Grrrrrrr, me viscous werewolf and information booth operator for the London Underground subway system! Arrgggghhh, you want to avoid a horrible death by my claws and teeth, you should take the Circle Line to Farrington! Aaaaaaaa-woooooooo, mind the gap!.” I enjoy how even as a hairy monster man, he kept his argyle tie on. Good choice in my book, plus those are some sweet dress slacks. I just want to know what is going on with the moon, it is all glittery and covered in what seems like shinny warts and pimples. I enjoy this cover greatly, not enough to try to play this game, but if I was a kid and I saw this one in the store, I would pick it up. “Grrrrrrr, good cover equate to game sales!”
What is better then a werewolf? A giant city destroying werewolf of course. Yeah, take that buildings of man, taste the wrath of my mighty paw. This cover is all business, no fluff, just pure action. Wouldn’t you buy this game if you saw the cover? Now the werewolf (whose name is Ralph) does look more like a weredog then a werewolf but that is just fine, he’s still kicking the crap out of that structure. The solider with the gun is putting on a brave face but we all know he’s shaking in his combat boots. This cover only ends in one way, a city reduced to rubble and a little snack of a soldier.
Special Bonus Cover: Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness
With a new Castlevania title having just been released for the modern systems, I figured we should include one Castlevania cover in this Cart Art. Now the lycanthrope on this cover has that sort of Egyptian dog statue feel to him with the long snout and the “scratch me on the head” ears. Here is my problem, what kind of werewolf wears shoes, baggy shoes and a girdle? This beast needs a girdle? Too many fat peasants in the diet for this guy. I like the vampire in the background. Looks like he is angry that the werewolf just took a wiz on the carpet.
With a finale dying howl, we must say good bye to this edition of Cart Art. If you have any suggestions and question for Cart Art, please feel free to post them in the comments section or send me an email at Offisapups@retroist.com. Tune in next week when the fangs come out, the blood gets spilled and I promise, nothing will sparkle in the sun. Now if you excuse me, I got a rolled up newspaper and a shock collar ready, because someone has been a bad doggy-man.