Scary Delicious Ghoul-Aid

Ghoul Aid

I never drank Kool-Aid’s Halloween brand Ghoul-Aid on Halloween. In fact, I had not heard of it until I was at a game night at a friend’s house one night and the brought out this pitcher of scary black liquid. The pitcher was glass and well iced, but inside the sweating decanter was a liquid as dark as drow’s blood and just as sweet. I asked them what it was and they said, “It is my favorite type of Kool-Aid, they call it Ghoul-Aid”. Everyone laughed at the clever name except for me. I could not take my eyes off the swirling blackness that beckoned me to partake of this magic drink. These fools could not see that this was no laughing matter and their animal-like grunts and giggles look twisted and demonic in the dark reflection of the “Ghoul-Aid.”

Now I cannot claim to be a great authority on flavor. I like fruit juice as much as the next guy, but I have never drank blackberry juice straight up. I can tell you this, although Ghoul-Aid claimed to be blackberry in flavor, it was not. Instead it was so much more. It was the essence of blackberry flavor distilled by a mad cult of flavor scientists in the New Jersey food research corridor. Now I know you should not attempt to dissect gossamer, and the nuance of the flavor is hard to describe, but I will try.

Did you ever eat a fruit and the right after that have an ice-pop of the same flavor? Your mouth gets taste-confused and your brain does not know how to process the flavor. That is what Ghoul-Aid is like, right out of the package. It is neither blackberry nor is it not blackberry. It is an envelope of flavor madness that will stay with you until your dying day.

After that night, I went to local stores, trying to find it , but came up empty-handed again and again. Some claim the flavor never existed, or that if it did, it tasted like watered down blackberry juice. Those people are fools who will once day be drowned in the dark blackberry flavored blood of our Kool-Aid god! A reckoning awaits you unbeliever! Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Kool-Aid Guy R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!


The Retroist

Editor/Podcaster at Retroist
The Retroist is like a BBQ on a bun without the bones. You're only human daddy. Chomp!

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