5 Worst Halloween Treats

Today I will share my thoughts on what you do not want to get in your plastic pumpkin this Halloween. Join me for the Top 5 Worst Halloween Treats.

5. DUM-DUM LOLLIPOPS
Let me start with the two good things about Dum-dums. Their name, Dum-dum is an awesome name and it looks great on a t-shirt. Secondly the flavor is great and they have lots of different types. I mean who else make pineapple suckers? But could they spare a little sugar to increase the size of these? You need a bouquet of these thing to make a decent treat. I am pretty sure everyone who gives these out for Halloween bought a bag of 99 gross of them back in 1981 and they have been rationing them out ever since.

4. NECCO WAFERS
Necco Wafers, like candy poker chips, with half the taste. Although I never saw who gave them to me, Necco Wafers always managed to show up in my plastic pumpkin bucket. I could never figure that out.

If you haven’t had Neccos they are a chalky candy and kind of taste like the lik-em aid stick, but with a hard texture that can break apart into razor sharp shards that can tear your mouth open. They were probably a great Trick or Treat candy back in 1642 when the first batch was made. Oddly enough the Necco Company also makes the Clark bar of which I am very fond.

3. POPCORN BALL
Amish children are offended when you try to pawn these off on them. I would get a bunch of these every year and due to fear poisoning fears my Mom would never let me eat them. Of course cTriosity got the better of me one year and I ate one in mid Trick or Treat and guess what? It tasted like popcorn. Not even salted popcorn. Plain popcorn. What held that thing together?

The only way I might like popcorn balls is if they were held together by caramel, dunked in chocolate, and dipped in Jolly Ranchers.

2. APPLE
Nothing like spending a cold autumn day wearing a heavy costume and risking life and limb by approaching strangers and begging for candy only to be rewarded with an apple. My what an exotic treat. Nooo way my family would ever let me eat this at home. Perhaps I could trade you some of my Reeses Peanut Butter Cups for a pear? Apples make poor treats. All fruit is bad on October 31st. That is why children wear costumes, to scare away the fruit that was harvested that autumn.

1. CHANGE
Change! Change! It might be acceptable if you got quarters, but its always pennies. I would always hit a few houses that would tape together 5 pennies and drop em in my bag. Surely that was a household begging to be egged.

Well that’s it. What are your least favorite treats? Post them below.

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The Retroist

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