Did you know you can see some of the best movies from our childhoods on YouTube in their entirety? They are
When I told you about the Smart Aleck’s Guide To Halloween Specials at the beginning of the month, I said they mentioned an ABC movie called The Midnight Hour which I never got the chance to see. I also said I had been looking for it but couldn’t find it. I remembered that sad fact yesterday and so gave YouTube another chance. And thank goodness for new content because there it was, the full movie. It was chopped into four parts, sadly, but it was all still there. And what a great movie it was. Well, it was great for the nostalgic factor anyway. This is something that just oozes with the spirit of the mid-80s and something I would have loved if I had seen it back then. I’m not sure today just how I missed this one, but I’m glad I got to see it now. And if you would like to see it as Halloween draws to its midnight hour, I’ve posted all four parts below.
In the modern era, there are wimpy, sparkly, male vampires. But in the 80s, there were hot, sexy female vampires. I’m not sure how many of these vamp-ires there were, but I can list quite a few off the top of my head.
Now I have never wanted to be a vampire. I always thought it would be much better to be a werewolf. I can’t say I’d mind it, though, if these ladies bit me on the neck.
No other creature of the night has appeared in so many different genres of fiction as Vampires. From fantasy, horror, sci-fi, romance (I promise, no more Twilight references), action, period pieces, you name it, something with fangs and a fear of the sun has sucked some blood in it. Of course, video games are no exception with fang heads as villains and a few times the good guys. However, this article is not about the history and importance of Vampires in video games, but rather some really funky covers that feature them. Without further ado, Cart Art presents: Vampires!
“Thank you for calling Vampire Technical support, my name is Vlad, how can I assist you this evening? Hmmmm, okay, have you unplugged your fangs and them plugged them back into you victim and blood is still not flowing? No, okay. Is this person your first victim of the evening? Did you use your enthralling gaze after your Bat shapeshifting? I am going to need you to find the blood time type and place of origin of your victim. While you do this I am going to place you on hold and prep an on sight visit from one of our In the Field Victim Blood Flow specialists, just in case we are unable to resolve the issue over the phone.”
A screaming vampire with a headset makes me chuckle greatly. I mean, isn’t it going to get in the way of his neck biting. This is why the vampire community as a whole adopted the small bluetooth headsets early. Though the vamp on the cover looks nothing like Michael Douglas, it reminds me of the first Wall Street movie. Maybe it’s from a movie in between the two movies, like “Wall Street 1.5: Blood Never Sleeps.”
The Astonishing Adventures of Mr. Weems and the She Vampires
Sit back, relax and take a moment to enjoy every little bit of this cover. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Behold our little nebbish hero, his plain blue suit, this 1950’s reporter glasses and bizarre Tommy Gun with a revolver cylinder in it. Inspires fear in the hearts of all vampires huh? Speaking of the vampires, our titular She Vampires, how did the one on the right fit in that coffin? Are they collapsible? In the end, does it matter? With a title like the one this games has, the cover is just gravy. . .delicious neck gravy.
Look into my eyes! No really, look into them and not the stupid sun that takes up way to much of the cover. I wonder if the cover art lacked the budget to put fangs on the vampire so they just threw the sun in there. Good thick eyebrows though, I would gaze into those forehead caterpillars for hours. This cover is just so uninspired, a collection of images, slapped together. . . .oh look, this is another one of those full motion movie video games from the early to mid 1990’s, that explains everything. As a whole, covers to those style of game are stinko and this one is no exception.
The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang
Let’s just take this cover for what it is, a cover to a cutesy, colorful Super Nintendo Action RPG (wait, a colorful Super Nintedo Action RPG, I need to try this game) so we really cannot fault the goofy design of our little bloodsucker. Actually, I like Spike’s design, jaunty top hat, stripped vest, what looks like Reebok Pumps for shoes, all things that work well. It’s not the small garlic Goomba that I question, it’s the strange, purple pants wearing, white skinned Easter Island head creature. What is that thing? I am sure if I played the game it would make sense, but for now, I want to squash it’s stupid little head. Or suck it’s blood out till it’s an empty husk of a being, one of the two.
In my humble opinion, this is one of the best video game cover in the history of cart based artwork. It is so good that I have the game in a shadowbox, hanging up in my living room. Right there in the foreground we have out hero, Simon Belmont, looking buff, luscious locks of hair a-flowing and his might weapons, the whip “Vampire Killer,” whirling around, ready to kick some vampire butt. Simon is the anti-Mr. Weems. Looking up we have the castle of Dracula, daunting and evil, a great taste of the epic-ness of the journey you are about to engage in. Even the moon’s phase is a great choice, the crescent moon looking sharp and foreboding. I am in on this cover already and we yet to get to the Lord of all Vampires himself, Dracula.
Dracula looks fantastic on this cover, sharp and angular with the long ears, glowing eyes, deadly fangs with a singular drip of blood falling from his mouth. That is villain that both puts a little shiver down your spine and emboldens your resolve to put an end to his reign of evil. I can go on and on about this cover (even the C is Castlevania is great, etc) but really, just enjoy this one Retroist fans, it’s a classic.
The sun has risen and it is time to close the casket on this edition of Cart Art. If you have any comments and suggestions for Cart Art, please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email at OffisaPups@retroist.com. Next week, we take a look at. . . ummm. . . I do not really know as I could not find enough Frankenstein monster covers worthy of a Cart Art but I promise we will be back with something perfect for Halloween. Now if you excuse me, the stakes are sharpened, the holy water is bottled and the garlic is freshly peeled . . . it’s going to be a hot time in the old Transylvania town tonight.
I am sticking with Draculi as the plural of Dracula. I saw this in an old issue of Psycho magazine and I thought the order they placed them was interesting. It is almost like Shreck was an afterthought.