I bookmarked this video last year with plans to make this magical substance at Halloween, but somehow the link got buried and lost. I found it last night and I am very excited for this to be my weekend project. If everything works out like in the video, I will be re-enacting my favorite scenes from both Ghostbusters and You Can’t Do that on Television with a little bit more authenticity from now on.
The following transcription was recovered from the scene of a terrible “accident” at Claymation Werewolf Laboratories. Aside from the pictures taken during the events, all photos of the scene, after the fact have been removed from the report out of respect for the families of those involved. Despite the attempt to tone-down the graphic nature of this content, we recommend that only mature blog readers view the following post.
9:00am- What we have discovered here will ultimately change, not only the face of science…but the very threads of society. Actual solid proof of extraterrestrial life has long been the goal of everyone from astronomers to crackpots and everyone in between. Now, that goal has finally been reached.
9:22am- No photos or material from the wreckage of the spacecraft will ever be released as the government has redacted all knowledge of the geography and/or technology. In a public statement US official Stone Wahler had this to say “The difficulty in the nature of the..uh…something something weather balloon. Thank you” However, our crack team of artists here at Claymation Werewolf Laboratories have actually recreated what the craft must have looked like:
9:45am- So you can plainly see how much is riding on the results of this research. Over the next several hours I will be conducting an autopsy of the alien body found among the wreckage. My words will be recorded for later transcription and thorough photographs will be taken of the entire process. Unfortunately, all hopes of attaching our own instruments to the creature proved unsuccessful as a result of the its biology. On a side note the only instrument we actually had available was a key-tar and I can’t actually see what sort of purpose it would have served anyway. All of my work will be conducted with the most sensitive and advanced tools available to modern science.
10:00am- Thorough notes have been taken in preparation of the dissection. We have also made several wonderful diagrams and drawings of the creature. If the pages of our notebook are flipped through very quickly the alien actually tap dances and then does a back-flip ending in “Jazz Hands” but I don’t suppose that would add much to the serious nature of this scientific finding.
11:00am- Assisting with the alien dissection will be my new assistant Natasha “Gadgets” EnGears. I am told that she graduated at the top of her class at Evil Minion State. She is one of the most quickly advancing experts in the field of paranormal biology. I am also told that she is positively, absolutely NOT an enemy spy.
11:08am- I now make the initial incision. With this small cut, I am advancing mankind to a further height than many of us ever thought that we could reach. The childish achievements that society made, up until this point will forever be considered the feeble accomplishments of a child. For instance, no one will ever again care about that whole “first man on the moon” thing. Anyway, I happen to know that the entire event was staged…it was just a set up farce with stage lighting and artificial props. The whole thing was fake. I hate that.
11:45am- Having broken through the outer surface of the skin and the fine inner membranes. I am now able to begin to really view this creature for what it is. Incredible. The skin of the alien is almost like rubber and is completely transparent. Inside, amidst the green fluids of the body cavity are organs of the most vibrant color. They defy imagination.
12:21pm- We are now looking directly into the open cavity of the torso. It is a view that we in the lab like to call “Alien Stew”
1:30pm- After several inspections of the tissue and fluid present inside the creature, we now begin the process of organ removal. Remarkably, the organs are in no way connected to the being itself. They float freely within the abdominal fluid. Each organ is it’s own individual color and all are extremely solid and lightweight; similar to plastic. The hard consistency of the organs has allowed my assistant to easily engrave coded numbers onto the organs themselves for later inspection and individual dissection.
2:50pm- I am finally completing the process of total organ removal. Before tackling the head I am going to make one final examination of the inside of the body. I will remove the last few organs and perform a detailed inspection of the system of nerves that I have noticed spreading like a spider web within the walls of the being. I simply have to…wait…..what is this? …………….. ……… It may be my imagination but I….but it seems as though something within the alien moved. I’m sure that….No. No the alien HAS moved! The organs have began to vibrate and it seems as though the muscles of the limbs have began to contract. However, we know nothing of the physiology of this creature and it is more than likely the result of some residual energy stored inside the organs and central nervous system of the monster.
3:00pm- This is incredible! What I though to be aftershocks of the alien’s death, now seem to be genuine animation! The movement has continued and….Wait! The entire creature is!…It’s moving! The monster is actually moving its… The entire body is shifting!! I can’t believe this….It has turned to face me…I…I genuinely don’t know what to do.
3:02pm- Ms. Gears has ran from the room, stealing my notes and slamming the door behind her! The alien is now standing, entirely on it’s own power. Its eyes are now totally clear and I see an immense intelligence in them. The thing righted itself so quickly I have had no time to react!….
3:03pm- The Monster! It’s coming closer! Slowly then quickly then slowly again! As though it’s toying with me…..I just….have to……No please wait….
As a younger kid, the one movie that absolutely scared the utter crap out of me was The Blob. This was the movie where the huge meter came crashing down to Earth and landed in a small town farm. The farmer happened to also be a drunk and the meteor crash woke him up. He grabbed a stick from a tree and poked the meteor and out came a smaller ball of purple muck. The muck crawled up the stick and started eating the farmer!
My young mind just could not get past the fact that this indeed could very much happen! This purple goo had the ability to eat people whole and it grew with every person that it ate! It could change its shape and go under doors to get to people. There just was no stopping the thing. Someone with half a brain finally figured out you could freeze it and that’s how they finally killed it.
Side note – anyone who has read my Dallas posts here at the Retroist knows that I love Dallas right? Well there was a remake made of the Blob and good ole J.R. himself, Larry Hagman directed the remake and he starred in it. So check it out if you get the chance.
But this post isn’t about the Blob, it’s about it toy cousin, SLIME. Here is a picture of the trash can that the SLIME came it:
Seems harmless enough right? RIGHT???!!!!
SLIME was created by Mattel in 1976. This article really cannot do justice to how this stuff felt in your hand. Image a very wet, gushy, sticky material that managed to wrap itself around your hand once you poured it into your hand. Girls especially freaked if you poured it on them! Needless to say, my 8 year old self took massive pleasure it terrorizing my girl pals in school with this toy!
Another selling point for me was the horrific sound that SLIME made when you pour it from the trash can. It had that awesome sucking noise combined with a bass heavy PLOP that all younger boys are totally driven to.
Here is what the SLIME looked like coming out of the trash can:
Ewwww! Pleasantly sickening sounds and feel!
So my creative 8 year old mind soon found another gross use for SLIME. I would take a very small piece of the slime and then stick it on the bottom of my nose and then pretend to sneeze! Yep – INSTANT BOOGER!!! OOOHHH YEAH!
SLIME sold like hot cakes during its first year that it was sold. Believe it or not, there was a board game called Slime Monster based on SLIME. In the game, a plastic, foot tall monster was loaded with SLIME. The player token had to move from the start to the finish marks on the board, but as each player took their turn, they also rolled a die for the SLIME Monster as well. As the game progressed, the slime would drip from the monsters mouth and if your token got hit by the SLIME you were out of the game.
Unfortunately, SLIME was a little expensive at the time and as well was not very easy to get out of your Moms expensive carpet once you spilled it. It was also a little toxic and began making kids sick who managed to eat the stuff. Therefor it had a relatively short shelf like.
Fear not though, SLIME does live on at the Nickelodeon TV channel as many kids get the stuff dumped on them for losing at their game shows.
For a brief moment in 1987, Slime Time watches were all the rage. It’s a simple plastic digital watch concealed under a life-size rubber creature – a frog, spider, or cobra head. I had the frog, and people at my school loved to shout the ad’s tagline at me: “what time is it? SLIME TIME!” The gigantic plastic frog and incessant catchphrasing got to be too much that after a month, I permanently ditched the frog and just wore the cheap watch.