Christmas Oddities: A Visit to Santa

It’s early in December, but surely you’re getting pumped for the coming holiday and Santa’s arrival, aren’t you?

Well…?

Last week, I went to a one-night only showing of a double feature of two previous RiffTrax Live specials – 2013’s Santa Conquers the Martians, and the 2009 show Christmas Shorts-stravaganza. Both shows tripped on the bizarre nature of what Christmas looks like when viewed through an askew lens, but there was this one particular short that just absolutely tripped to the point where that lens was not only askew, but also covered in filters that can’t even make this short look halfway presentable. It screams public access (but it isn’t), low budget (which is clearly is), and contains the worst use of organ music ever.

I’m referring to A Visit to Santa!

Santa

This 1963 (Really? It isn’t older than that?!) short film was shot in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania by Clem Williams Films. According to IMDb, this was their only short film. And with production values such as these, it is easy to see why they didn’t make anything else.

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This horribly acted (and difficult to understand) short film is about two kids, Dick and Ann, who write a letter to Santa asking if they could visit the North Pole.

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Based on how these kids speak, I find it hard to believe that these kids wrote this.

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Because Santa is all of us, this is where he lives.

Santa, from his home at the “North Pole” (which looks like an ugly living room), obliges. He sends one of his minidress-clad elves to claim the two children.

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What happens next sounds more like a hostage situation than a Christmas dream come true.

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If you ever want to see your parents again, you’ll come with me and learn all about parades and weird toy shops.

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There is no way that living room is inside this “castle.”

I could tell you all about the joys of disturbing elf wear, kids taken in the night from their safe bedroom to go meet some guy claiming to be Santa, and the jolly old fat man sitting in some living room somewhere, as well as footage of parades, fireworks, fake crash landings, and overuse of narration, but I’d rather you guys witness it all yourselves.

Uploaded by ChristmasToonFuntime

Unfortunately, this is only the unriffed version. If you’d like to see the riffed version (done by the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and RiffTrax – Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett), there is the version as shown during the Christmas Shorts-stravaganza, and there is also a studio version, but it is the same riffing as the version done in the live show. If you enjoy RiffTrax, consider making one or both of these a part of your collection. They’re a small business and every little bit helps, especially when they put on fantastic live shows such as the one audiences were lucky to see last week. Every penny is worth it!

And I’m not above admitting that I snorted during this short.

Allison is a lover of bad films (especially educational shorts) and funny people who riff them mercilessly. If you like what Allison has to say, check out her blog (you know the name), and follow it on Facebook for some randomness on your newsfeed. She’s also on Twitter @AllisonGeeksOut. 

Now, get dressed and hurry up! Don’t keep Allison waiting!

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In The Not-Too-Distant Future…You Could Have A LEGO MST3K Set!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 or MST3K proved from 1988 until 1999 that comedy and good friends…even if they were robotic…was the best way to get through some very, very bad movies with your sanity mostly intact. Of course there is a revival of the series just around the corner starring Jonah Ray, Felicia Day, Patton Oswalt, Hampton Yount and Baron Vaughn so what better time than to propose a LEGO set for MST3K? Right?

MST3K - Football

Submitted by JMaster just a few days ago, the support needed to reach 10,000 votes to have it reviewed by LEGO has already hit 400 plus with 363 days to go. I tell you that if we can have Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, Doctor Who and even a set for the Big Bang Theory I can see no reason at all we MSTies can’t have a LEGO version of the Satellite of Love as well as minifigs of our favorite characters!

MST3K - Mike - Joel - LEGO

MST3K LEGO - JMaster

From the LEGO Ideas page, JMaster explains his thoughts on such a set:
“Included in the set would be both of the show’s unwilling hosts, Joel Robinson and Mike Nelson! Of course, all of the ‘Bots from the show would be included as well: Cam-Bot, Gypsy, Tom Servo, and Crow! Every one of the Mads would be included in their locations as well; including Dr. Erhardt, TV’s Frank, Professor Bobo, Brain Guy, and both Dr, Clayton and Pearl Forrester! The set would also include the Satellite of Love, the vessel that trapped Joel, Mike, and the Bots. The host room with “Movie Sign!” lights and buttons, famous hallway doors, and the theater will all be included! This show had talented writers, an original premise, and lasting pop cultural fame to this day. Thanks to Mystery Science Theater, we all take bad movies a little less seriously now, and laugh when there was nothing funny before.”

All images courtesy of JMaster and LEGO Ideas.

All images courtesy of JMaster and LEGO Ideas.

So follow that link provided up top and lend your support before the Mads hit us all with…MOVIE SIGN!!

Shout! Factory’s Definitive Top 5 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episodes

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Hiya Creeps! If you’re anything like the ol’ Ouija Board Kid, you prefer your classic drive-in entertainment in its pure, unadulterated glory; but sometimes you just need some larfs while watchin’ a nice slice of fried B-movie gold, and that’s where Mystery Science Theater 3000 has always come to the rescue!

Now if for some reason you’ve never heard of the show, or have never watched it and was wondering what episodes would be best to start with, our ol’ fiends at Shout Factory have provided a nice handy list of the Top 5 episodes the series has to offer! Read on (and click the lascivious link provided) to see what episodes made the cut!

The Definitive Top 5 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episodes

You really love your MST3K. When we asked you to tell us what you thought the single, all-time greatest episode is, we received thousands of responses on our social media pages. In 24 hours. So yeah, you love your MST3K. And we here at Shout! Factory do too! So with your help, along with a lot of super-scientific, double-blind experiments with only minimal amounts of human and robot testing, we discovered and compiled the definitive five greatest MST3K episodes of all time, accompanied by some of your comments. Find out what made the Top 5 here!

A Case Of Spring Fever (1940)

This educational short from 1940 is famous for it’s appearance on the August 1, 1999 broadcast of Mystery Science Theater 3000, which also happened to feature the B-Movie ‘Squirm’. However while Mike and the gang on the Satellite of Love make it very humorous as always with their wisecracking…I believe it defeats the true purpose of the short. Horror. It’s a tale of mind-numbing madness and fear thanks to its animated mascot, Coily the Spring Sprite.

You really do not want to upset Coily, trust me.

[Via] DAK Lives YouTube Channel

Now try to go to sleep tonight and not see Coily appearing beside you…taunting you…for all time.