Fear and loathing in Las Ebay (part one)

The scene: E-bay. Time: 10:30pm. Mood: fidgety

Day five of operation ‘you are now watching’ (6 Nes games)

las ebay

I sign in to the ensuing bid war and notice (with my fine ebay snipe skills tingling) that two bid n00bs are slowly fighting in the last ten minutes I wait till 10 seconds on the clock and type the magic £11.04p and at the refresh I have won for £11.02p Mwahahaha never forget the day you were sniped by the master! (I have the power… Nintendo power)

The scene: Home. Time: 9am. Mood: the blank nothingness of ‘no coffee yet’
Day eight of operation of ‘you are now watching’ (6 Nes games)

I wake uncertain of life on earth. Who and what I am “is this reality?” then a noise… I am snapped back into reality like the old snipe veteran I am and with my cat like reflexes I pounce at the letter box catching the parcel before it hits the floor. Already certain that this is the Nes delivery, my inner monologue reminds me to hit the kettle switch (I need my concentration juice).

Coffee in hand I approach the Nintendo Entertainment System (with pre-mentioned parcel already opened) and kid myself that I want to look at the the other titles I have procured. First up California Dreams by Epyx. Although a good game, the NES port is… well its not good if you have been playing it on something like the Genesis for example. Next we have Top Gun 2 ‘the second mission’ (even though the first game ended up on mission four.. I mean what kind of sloppy naming is that?) by Konami. It’s.. better than the first game (which is like saying The road kill we just passed wasn’t as horribly disfigured as the one before) but more difficult with the odd nice touch like 360° barrel rolls and such. Third game out of the parcel is Kung Fu (yes we all know it’s pronounced gung voo, move on) I will save this gem for later,  I cant remember it as I was 8 the last time I played it without the Suffix ‘master’ dropped from the original title Kung-Fu master. Continuing the ‘beat the crap out of things’ theme the parcel has bestowed upon me next out of the box is Teenage Mutant Ninja (Hero in Europe) Turtles made by (depending on which side of the ocean you find yourself) either Palcom or Ultra. Most people have played this game…. most people hate it….. I also hate it… if you want to play a TMNT / TMHT play the second Nes game in the series its much better. Fifth out of the box is Rad Racer and I must admit I have never played this so to throw in a cheeky Internal monologue joke belittling this game would be wrong and obviously beneath me (now where did I put my 3d glasses? I want to play a bad clone of outrun that will give me a headache for several hours!). The final game out is the game I have been waiting for, for 8 days. I hold it close and blow on the cartridge contacts (this one is going on first time) I switch the channel, power up and clench the control pad with all my might as the Capcom logo pings on the screen. I decide not to skip anything and let the game show me all it can. With the 8-bit musical magic of the main screen landing delicately upon my ear-holes I press start….. I press start…. I press start!… Start!… I do this for 10 soul destroying minutes before it dawns on me the control pad isn’t working! I try my stand-by pad… nothing! I root around in boxes to find older pads I know I have… I do not find these pads. In tears and sobbing I glance over at the NES Advantage and the NES Max and instantly realise that this is not right, I Must play this game with an original pad!

To be continued