The ol’ Crystal Lake Boogie

Born to hand jive...and kill

Born to hand jive…and kill

Hey Creeps, what would you say is the most horrific element of legendary slasher series Friday the 13th? Would it be the the gruesome and gory death sequences? Or how about the suspense of seeing children in peril from the undead menace Jason Vorhees? Some may even say it’s Henry Manfredini’s iconic score, but all of you would be wrong. The most terrifying thing about the series is the dancing…

…the horrible, horrible dancing…

…and if Jason had just done this in the first place…

…he would be considered a hero more than a mass murdering psychopath.

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80s Group Dance Scenes

I watched Can’t Buy Me Love tonight. I had seen it on Pay-Per-View when I was in middle school. I had no idea at the time just how awful it was. Besides the general meanness of everybody in the second half of the film, there were two cliched scenes that I can’t stand in any film and really couldn’t stand in this one. The second was the moving public speech that sets everything right, complete with clapping from the audience at the end. Barf.

The first, and perhaps worst offender, was the group dance. You know how these scenes go. One guy brings a new dance routine to the party and then everybody starts doing it.

To be honest, this one did at least have a humorous payoff. Plus, it was choreographed by Paula Abdul, so that’s something. Unfortunately, I can’t say that about the many other times we see the group dance, such as in Encino Man

or Teen Wolf

I first became aware of the group dance in the video for The Communards “Never Can Say Goodbye” cover. I think I saw this video on VH1’s Pop Video, and they stated that the singer really wanted to do a group dance.

I realized right away how ridiculous the group dance is. How could everybody learn the moves that fast and do them right? Why doesn’t anybody just laugh at the idiot who tries to start the dance? And how do they pick up the new moves they’ve never scene that always get added once everyone is dancing? But, illogical though it is, there you have it. In movie after movie after movie.

The Creature Wasn't Nice

The Creature Wasn’t Nice

The 1983 film “The Creature Wasn’t Nice” was released under a different names throughout the years. When the film debuted on cable it was simply known as “Spaceship”. Years later when the film hit the home video market it was renamed “Naked Space”. This was done to ensure that it would be located next to the Naked Gun films in video stores.

“The Creature Wasn’t Nice” takes place on a spaceship that is home to five astronauts: the great Leslie Nielsen, Cindy Williams, Gerrit Graham, Patrick Macnee, and Bruce Kimmel. Bruce Kimmel is a prolific producer of music, plays, and musicals, but to me he will always be known as “the guy that wrote and starred in The Creature Wasn’t Nice.”

The Creature Wasn't Nice

What began as a “small piece of goo” brought aboard the ship eventually grows into a full grown, one-eyed monster. The ship’s doctor (Macnee) is convinced that the creature is harmless, but the rest of the crew isn’t so sure. Eventually, the crew comes up with the idea of hooking the creature up to the ship’s computer. This allows them to translate his grunts and howls into English. What follows, as they say, is history.

I would like to note that not only did I spend the time to learn the lyrics of this song as a kid, but I actually learned the entire dance choreography as well. Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

I’m a sucker for bad monster movies, and The Creature Wasn’t Nice certainly fits that bill. There’s singing, there’s dancing, there’s a variety show, and at least three of the cast members end up in the creature’s belly. What’s not to love? Rumor has it that the final cut of this film differs greatly from the original script. This is definitely one of those “so bad it’s good” films.

I picked up this movie on DVD (under the name “Naked Space”) a few years ago in a Walmart bargain bin for about $5. Happy hunting … and don’t let any monsters eat your face this Halloween!