Saturday Frights: Critters: Bounty Hunter (2014)

Holy cats creeps, I can’t believe how nostalgic it is for the ol’ Ouija Board Kid Daniel XIII, to be mannin’ the projector once again here in the Vault! Ya see, when my pal and your’s, the putrid Projectionist, gave the Crypt o’ XIII a ring and said he needed an emergency replacement for vicious Vic Sage (who claims he came down with Captain Trips…but methinks ’tis weird this plague struck shortly after I saw him exiting Best Buy with that Facts of Life complete series box set…and we all know he’s all about that Blair, ’bout that Blair, no Cindy) I had no choice but to obey…mostly because of that contract signed in blood…

Anyway, you’re stuck with the Cool Ghoul…and I’m going to treat you right! I thought long and hard about what to show you fiends, and what I came up with was a lil’ flick that features a perfect representation of you…a short, hairy beast with a voracious appetite…that also ejects poisonous quills (that’s right, I read your comments, and those barbs can sting!).

So, grab your snacks, and hold yer baby tight, ‘cuz the Crites are loose tonight!!!

And remember, if you don’t like tonight’s feature…

Johnny Steele – The Face of Rock

I keep my hair this high so that it is closer to my home among the stars...

I keep my hair this high so that it is closer to my home among the stars…

Hey creeps, if you were a shape-shifting alien bounty hunter with a head that resembled a massive wad of phosphorescent pre-chewed Bubble-Yum, what would you do to blend in on ol’ planet Earth while you hunted ultra bitey porcupines with a taste for national treasure Billy Zane? Well, the answer is quite simple actually, you’d reverse melt that melon of yours into the shape of massive hair sportin’, high jumpin’ rock superstar Johnny Steele…the only logical choice to go incognito in the middle of America’s heartland where every radio and titanic floor model Zenith is blaring Steele’s Power of the Night twenty four hours a day. I think the wad of gum would have been noticed less…

Video from Youtube user Monica Amonyxia