tecno-man

Full Moon Review of TechnoMan!

**One Monster’s continuing mission to explore strange new (old) cartoons. Shows he has never seen! Watched in small segments and reviewed immediately. No research! No rewinds! No shame! Join me as I embarrass myself for your reading pleasure. This is Full Moon Reviews!**

Hey group! I’m supper stoked for this weeks edition of the Full Moon Review, I’m covering a little cartoon called Tekno (or, Techno) Man! I don’t know anything about the actual show (my wifey read it off in a list of cartoons) but the name basically says it all. Techno! Many has been the time that I’ve wiled a Saturday night away dancing to killer bass and sick drum machine beats while surrounded by mysterious fog machine…fog, in some abandoned warehouse! The underground flyers for that nights rave, the anonymous sex, the sweating, the dancing the sheer exhilaration! Today I’m reliving all of it by way of this cartoon. So now, as I begin to remove my shirt and apply my backlight body paint, I hope that you’ll do the same as we enjoy, Techno Man Episode 7

Part One:
Okay just watched the opening and I’m gonna be totally honest with you guys. I don’t get it…super fast moving images of space and lasers and interstellar action (all pretty common stuff that gets projected on the wall at a techno rave) but there’s other stuff too. Guys with weapons, giant robots, men women…soldiers spaceships…wow! On top of everything else, I seem to be so wasted, that when the title was shown I wasn’t able to read it. This is gonna be one hell of a ride! Wooooo!

Uhhh… okay I think I got ahold of some bad acid (total rookie mistake) because I cant tell if im watching the episode or im still watching the opening! The action and editing havent slowed down one bit…then when it does slow down (ie; two people talking) it slows down completely its like a painting but with eyes and mouths moving

The plot seems to be that there are these giant battle ships trying to fend off an alien invasion (killer idea for a movie!) and the gunners are just shooting straight up into this nonstop wave of identical flying aliens (killer idea for a video game!)

The humans are getting their butts handed to them. Two people talk about how were losing, then we cut to some other guy I know nothing about, reporting to some board about how we lost techno man! The bored seems really upset and one guy looks at him in profile with a really grumpy look on his face. (getting kinda bummed myself…where is all the techno, man?)

In fact, I’m making that same face, but with a light up pacifier in my mouth…

So the guy is part of something called the “space knights” and he’s fighting with the military and they all want jurisdiction over the techno man and everybody’s voices are super echoey and they’re talking about salvaging the techno man (I thought he was lost, not broken) and everything’s moving too fast….its just total chaos gang, I don’t know what to tell you…

The two statue people that were talking earlier said they needed “Blade’s” help to beat the aliens, the angry board meeting said they lost and/or needed to salvage techno man…then some guys is talking on a walking talkie/Smartphone thing about a techno bot. two other people and gothicy raver looking girl and maybe a…Australian? Looking guy are going through all these goofy schematics about a techno bot and a crystal…and a person and how they all have to work together and fit together…the austrailian guy gets all excited that he gets to go build it! We then cut (quickly) to a grumpy young guy in a bed who smacks his tray of food away

And says he doesn’t wanna eat. The woman who brought him the food calls him Blade!! So okay maybe he has to get into and control robot armor…a crystal helps to fuse them together, and the whole shebang is techno man!!

Okay it looks like I’m right…kind of. I guess he somehow transforms into techno man through a bunch of magic/sciency, gobledy-guk. He apparently got beat up and all his techno man stuff got broke so now he’s a sour puss. His friends (who I like to call “wiggly eye girl” and “cocky blonde guy”) take him on a “This is your life” tour of the facilities to try to straighten out his Debby Downer attitude. They meet up with weird science lady and kind of Australian guy (who talks like a Japanese guy who learned English entirely by watching John Wayne movies and then tried to use an Australian accent) and they talk about the progress, then give blade the worlds most awkward pep talk

They all get called away for an important update and we see a bunch of images of landmarks villages etc getting all blowed up by the aliens from space. Suddenly!!! The signal gets jammed and the aliens cut in to all the video screens (Cobra style) and demand that earth turn over the techno man (apparently he’s either an alien or stole the suit…or the technology or something, from them) if they don’t get him, they’ll resume the attack and destroy everthing! By the way, the bad guy? His name is Dagger! (Dagger, Blade, Pointy, Sharpes, Stabby and The Shredder!) ….im assuming.

Part Two:
The action is heating up! Apparently, blade is trying to turn himself in. He’s gonna fly some broken rocket up to the bad guys and offer himself up like a thanksgiving turkey! Everybody is gathered round the communication console yelling at him all anime-ish and he’s ignoring them.

He flies into space on his death mission and for some reason everybody gets back to work on the whole techno man thing. Maggie (the weird girl) still can’t figure it out but then the young communication girl walks in with an armful of discs, trips on a cable and the discs fly everywhere (landing on the keyboard) and lo and behold, wouldn’t ya know it!! The computer reboots and figures out the solution (really, cartoon??)

Unfortunately, Blade already arrived at the spaceship, they slaughtered him like a pig, no one else could activate the robot and the earth is destroyed…just kidding!

Blade arrives at alien headquarters and starts a war of words with Dagger. Ring (that’s the blonde guy’s name…Ringo! Hah!!!) sets out in his special spaceship (he’s a pilot) with the techno bot on his way to give it to Blade and while the action, once again, heats up we finally get some techno. I put on my white gloves (they look great under the black-light that I’m writing this by) and start dancing getting lost in the music…lost in the magic…

Anyway Ringo (heh heh) arrives with the suit after blowing away a bunch of aliens and delivers the suit to Blade seconds before he blew himself up to destroy the alien ship and kill Dagger. Blade goes through a typical five minute long anime transformation sequence and finally takes off, once again, as Techno Man!

Next we get a clichéd fight against the big boss, ending in Blade eradicating Dagger in an horrible violent explosion, so beautiful that his friends bask in the light of it!

All is well, the day is saved and once again humanity can feel safe in the knowledge that freedom exists for every man woman and child. Oh, except for the super duper mega ultra secret, hyper sonic, double evil bad guy that lives underground on the dark side of the moon!

Aaaaaahhhhh!

Recap:
Oh Man! What did I do last night?? I woke up this morning I woke up on the floor surrounded by about 37 glow-sticks with a bunch of blacklights shining on me. I was wearing white gloves and one sock (that’s it) the there was nothing but static blaring. I rewound it to see what I was watching (this was all really weird, since it was you tube) and apparently I was watching some kind of techno anime movie??

I promised myself I would never rave (or watch anime) ever again…I really need to have more self control…its just that when the beat gets ahold of you…what can you do? I gotta dance!

See ya next time!

Oh and by the way, Anime Guys? The “putting your hand on your inner elbow and pumping your fist up gesture?”

I don’t think it means what you think it means…just saying.

zazoo

Remember Zazoo U?

It’s bizzaro week at the Claymation Werewolf! Today, as a change of pace, I’m going to change things up a bit. Instead of reviewing a cartoon that I’ve never seen but everyone else in the world has; I’m going to tell you about a cartoon that I seem to be one of the only people in the world to remember!

I was a weird kid. It would be fair to say that I never actually outgrew that label. But it definitely all started when I was just a Claymation Werewolf Pup. Besides the fact that I’ve been trying to break into “showbiz” since I was about 10, there were plenty of other signs that should have made my parents worry. For Instance, I used to dress up in costume…when it wasn’t Halloween. I used to watch cartoons and route for the bad guys! And, I went directly from reading Scholastic books to reading Edgar Allen Poe.

Most of all though, I think the best evidence of my sheer weirdness were the things that I have always been drawn to. Madballs, Monster in my Pocket, and Wayside School Books. Then of course, there’s one of my favorite childhood cartoons. Zazoo U.

What is Zazoo U? boy, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that in my life. Despite the fact that Zazoo U was part of Fox Kid’s Saturday Morning Cartoon’s Lineup (albeit, for only a year) No one seems to remember it! I would have thought that it would have been remembered for it’s sheer absurdity alone!

The whole thing took place at a school with weird, vague animal characters with a plotline that feels more like a Nyquil dream than a cartoon episode and some of the most off-beat characters in television history. An over the top artsy, art teacher poodle named Miss Devine (not actually so over the top if you went to art school) A skuzzy, and rough (but good natured) pig named Griz

and two Eastern European acrobats creatures named Slogo and Logan (that don‘t speak English) On a side note, I am absolutely convinced that Pixar ripped off this idea with Tuck and Roll in “A Bug’s Life”

My favorite character though was Bully Wolly Mammoth a giant, kind hearted clumsy wooly mammoth who played the piano (and normally destroyed the piano) I have distinct memories of playing on my swingset and reciting my favorite catchphrase from the show “I like it!” in Bully’s voice (did I mention he acted and talked like President Richard Millhouse Nixon? Picture me, doing my best Nixon: “Freshhhh Kool-Aid, I lllllike it!” Again, I was a weird kid…

There isn’t a lot to say about Zazoo U…it was great, nonsense themes, a message at the end (somehow made coherent from the chaotic plot) and intercut scenes of screaming school kids running down the halls which would inevitably crush some of the characters on the show. It had wonderfully weird music, a bizarre drawing style and catchphrases (at least I thought they were funny!)

I would suggest that you go online and track down some videos of this great show but, while trying to do research for this article I found nothing! (unless you want to watch a stupid commercial for some foreign condom company) I actually own a dvd of Zazzoo U. It’s two episodes and I think it originally came from England. They were released under the Jetix brand after Disney bought all of Sabaan’s properties.

I’ll be picking up more when I can find them. The dvd rounds off my enormous collection of Zazoo U merchandise (I think I’m the own more Zazoo U memorabilia than anyone else on the planet…three items!!) I also own a lunchbox (with thermos!)

and the crown jewel of my collection, one of the greatest finds I’ve ever made!! (okay, my wife was responsible)

We were at an anime convention and we came across a dealer of animation cells and original animation production art. I found a sketch of another weird cartoon I used to love (Family Dog) and my wife decided to throw caution to the wind about one of my biggest collecting white whales Zazoo U. To our amazement he had not only heard about it he actually had something from the show.

This!

An entire storyboard script for one of the episodes. He didn’t have it with him (apparently he had been trying for years to get rid of the thing but no one had ever heard of the show or had any interest in buying it!) This guy drove back to his house (30-40 minutes away) and brought it back! One of my (wife’s) greatest moments in collecting magic!

So, if by any chance you find yourself with the opportunity to watch some Zazoo U, (for instance, an invite to one of the Zazoo U parties that are currently sweeping the nation) I heartedly recommend it! And even better, If you are one of those collecting types and you come across some Zazoo U merchandise, give me a shoutout!! I’d love to take it off your hands and continue my quest to prove to my peers that it exists! That I’m not crazy! (my mother had me tested!)

super-globetrotters

Remember The Super Globetrotters?

The Harlem Globetrotters. Of all of the novelty, exhibition basketball teams out there, they have always been, at the very least, in my top 10. But little did I know that there was more to this team than throwing pretend buckets of water on people, goofing on refs and occasionally helping Scooby Doo and the gang, solve a mystery. These guys were apparently a crime fighting group in their own right. And with an episode name like The Super Globetrotters Vs The Time Lord, it seems our heroes will be squaring off against “The Doctor” himself. Prepare yourself for some above the rim, basketball spinning, Tardis flying action, with Your Super Globetrotters.

Super Globetrotters Episode 9. Super Globetrotters Vs The Time Lord.


Pt 1

Well, the opening was…different. For starters the music was funk-tastic so I can’t find any fault there. It appears as though the guys are just regular old basketball comedy acrobatic superstars until the globetrotters signal goes off. Then they hop into lockers which crazily hop and jerk around and they emerge as super powered grotesque body horrors! …then they fight crime and what-not. Should be interesting.

So far the episode is pretty goofy and plot-holey but at least it is a little bit more rational than some of the stuff ive watched recently (I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing)

There is some kind of big announcement about a new time machine. It can talk and all it wants in the world is the chance to see the globetrotters play (ooooo-kay…)

All the while, an evil villain known as the Time Lord (sadly, not Doctor Who)

is planning to steal it because he is the only true master of time and he wants to keep the globetrotters from using the talking time machine to turn the world into a better place (even though there is no evidence that anyone wanted to use the time machine for any such reason) He has a time crystal he can use to stop, slow down or speed up time. He decides to use it to bring back the most masterful theifs from history. He does this by saying there name, pointing the crystal and making them appear. From my understanding of the time crystal, this isn’t actually how it works but I’ll just go with it.

Anyway he brings for a Bill and Teds style assembly of historic characters (and just like in Bill and Ted, none of them were real people) We got the cat lady, the short lookout guy, the driver, and the other guy)

He’s going to use his time control powers to steal the time machine!

MEANWHILE!!

The globetrotters get a call on their magic radio from their sattelite in space that looks like a giant space basketball with an antennae the radio gets their attention by saying. “NOW DIG THIS” yeahhhh.

So they break into the time machine facility and the Super Globetrotters are hot on their heels, but thanks to the short lookout guy, the Time Lord gets the drop on them. They kidnap giant basketball head curly and use him (somehow) to capture the rest of the Super Globetrotters (who, for some reason everyone keeps calling The Globetrotter Super Heroes)

According to TL between the crystal and the time machine he can send the globetrotters back in time! …so he can just randomly pluck villains from the past (all of whom join his plan immediately, without question) but he has to have all this equiptment and a big song and dance to send people back in time? I call no way.

He puts the globetrotters in an invisible cage called

The Time Warp! …it’s just a jump to the left. And then a step to the riiiiiiiight. Put your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tiiiiight and as th…. Oops, ahem,

Part 2

The Globetrotters escape the time warp (let’s do the time warp agaaaaaaiiin!)

And we get treated to some wacky Scooby Doo esque chase hijinks through the big scary mansion. In the end the talking time machine gets re-captured and the Globetrotters have to develop a new plan to rescue him. They decide to leave notes telling the bad guys that there is gold in the laboratory for them

And telling the others that their fellow badies are stealing the gold. This makes no sense whatsoever. Who do they think wrote these notes the time lord? Why would he do that when he wants them to capture the globe trotters (in a couple of the cases the globetrotters actually hand deliver the notes to the bad guys!) oy….

Anyway, the the globetrotters manage to capture the baddies in the time warp (but it’s the pelvic thrrrrruuuust that really drives you insayayayaannne)

And they wont let them out unless they get the time machine returned. Instead of returning the time machine, TL decides to challenge them to a basketball game. Winner gets the time machine! The globetrotters agree as long as the proceeds got to charity!

The time lord uses his time crystal during the game to alter the speeds of the players and help his team of crooks to kick some major globetrotter butt. At one point the baddies are running around in circles shooting basket after basket (not even legal basketball playing!)

The globetrotters decide to cheat back and they become super globetrotters (or…globetrotter superheroes, or Goody goody do gooders, basketball buffoons and meddlesome dribblers.) They only do this after their jive talking super radio tells them to. But afterwards they score a bunch of cheating baskets in a row and win the day!

The cops arrest the Time Lord and the other bad guys (but the rest of the crew arent even from that time period…I think the law might be a little shady here.)

And the team decides to hand deliver the clock.

They push it uphill quite a while then ride it down hill!

Closing joke: “Time really flies!” …oy.

Recap

The whole time I watched this I felt like I was watching a combination of Robonic Stooges and New Scooby Doo Movies (neither of which I like) I guess this was okay…I would like to see a big origin story where we find out why we have a giant noodle guy, a multiple man, a water man with snorkle and flippers, a giant basketball head guy and an afro guy with scientific gizmos, hidden in his afro. The whole thing felt very thrown together….I can relate to that!

See ya next time!.

prostars

Remember Prostars?

**One Monster’s continuing mission to explore strange new (old) cartoons. Shows he has never seen! Watched in small segments and reviewed immediately. No research! No rewinds! No shame! Join me as I embarrass myself for your reading pleasure. This is Full Moon Reviews!**

Today on Claymation Sports Broadcasting we have an exciting match lined up for you!! Okay not really but I am reviewing a sports cartoon… Prostars was a cartoon in the 80’s…or possibly early 90’s but I am actually not aware of whether I knew of it’s existence or not. Staring Wayne Gretsky, Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan

(I don’t know if the real voices were used but I’m gonna guess no.) I don’t know if the show focused on their sports careers or if they were some kind of action team fighting evil athletes (I was gonna make a joke here about the evil athletes they could be facing but I don’t actually know enough about sports to even attempt it…Jose Conseco? Is that a good one?) At any rate for your reading “pleasure” I now present my Full Moon Review of:

Prostars The Perbots of Dr Lobe!

Part 1:

So far this cartoon is looking ridiculous. I think ego’s may have come into play just a teeny bit in the production of this cartoon. The opening feels like it takes up the entirety of part one and has little pieces of actiony animation mixed in with hilight reel footage of our heroes playing their respective sports. There’s a theme song set to the tune of “we will rock you” that is the most absurd thing ever…it basically boils down to lyrics with this message:

“this guy plays a sport!”

“He’s good at everything!”

“Watch him run around!”

‘Wow that was really cool!”

“We are. We are.”

“Prostars!”

Michael Jordan (who apparently has rocket powered shoes in this world) can’t even be bothered to lend his incredibly awkward video introduction (which Gretsky and Jackson apparently have no shame about doing)

Insert what huh?

The interview type weird opening thing is cut short when words like Action. Danger. And my personal favorite:

Insert villain

Start appearing on the screen which I suppose means were ready for action…or something…

The episode proper, starts out with some kind of weird sports kung fu match going down between Bo and Wayne with MJ as the Ref. It’s baseball bat vs. hockey stick in a no olds barred test of mainly prowess!

Insert awkward position.

Theres a woman that all of them call Mom which makes me wonder if this is some kind of grown up sports based version of the muppet babies and she’s nanny and all their adventures are just taking place in their minds while they spend all day hanging out in this diner! Hmmm.

So Mom is a tiny mean little woman who is apparently some kind of super powered athletic paragon and task master! (just like Nanny!) For a while I couldn’t tell if she was supposed to be German, Russian or Yiddish (the voice actor was a little, all over the map with the inflection) but one “oy vey” later, and mystery solved! Jamaican!

The boys get their latest mission. It seems an evil scientist has sent a video disk. He has created robots or Perbots (I don’t know if the name is supposed to be some kind of joke…maybe, perfect robots?) Anyway, he challenges our heroes to an Olympics robots against people and seals the deal by showing them his innocent hostage!

I don’t know if the hostage was an actual character on the show but she knew who the pro stars where…Im also picking up on a little more character development. They’re going with the Alvin and the Chipmunks standard: Bo is the hothead leader/rebel, Wayne is the innocent ditzy one, and Michael is the tall skinny, brainy one. This mission Nanny…I mean Mom has decided to come along because she thinks the boys are getting soft.

Part 2

Now that were in the second part of the show we finally get a little insight into the motivations of Dr Loeb. He wants to prove to the world that his evil robots are superior to puny humans and replace all athletes with robots and amass a fortune!!! (yeah I don’t really follow it either)

After the guys huddle up and decide they need to try to win this thing (I thought that was the point the whole time) Bo is up first in the Baseball competition. Using some suped up equipment he manages to beat the robot! One down, and if my guess is correct, two to go.

I could be wrong! MJ climbs the stadium walls and jumps to the center of the stadium where the hostage is being held by a magnetic beam above chomping metal teeth. Amazed the girl asks how he got up there and he replies something to the affect of. “The tensill strength in my quads effectively propelled my body at a 60 degree angle.” oy vey indeed.

Dr Loeb releases his basketball perbot who goes after Michael before he can pull the plug on the magnet machine he tries to laugh it off but soon finds out the hard way that he probably shoulda taken it seriously. That perbot wasn’t a buss driver but he totally took MJ to school!

Part 3

Michael begins to plummet back to earth and Ditzy Gretsky has to remind him to activate his shoes and avoid the whole “dying” thing. The shoes turn out to have springs in them so he springs safely on the ground then springs around the stadium, springs over the perbot and springs into the air and kills the perbot with the basketball then he grabs Wayne and Bo and they all spring up and down in celebration.

The evil dr then unveils the most important athletic event of all!! …ice hockey? The electro-robot hockey monster steps out and Wayne Gretsky steps forward and in the time honored tradition of Shaggy, he leaps, shaking into the arms of Bo Jackson and refuses to meet the challenge.

Wayne beats the hockey perbot in a action packed, slaptick fueled hockey match. Then the evil Dr Loab releases all the perbots, but MJ has a plan! He finds the plug, contacts the other pro stars!

I should point out here that Bo knows rescues….he says so himself!

They send Mom to fly the ship and they set out to do battle with the evil machines. Bo and Wayne get to put back on their awesome Karate Kid headbands from the beginning of the show and prepare to kick some metal butt!

They fight the robots until they get bailed out by Mom in the jet and run away from the fight. Michael pulls the plug and they catching the falling Hostage Jill. On the way out they capture Dr Loeb via a hook on the nose of the jet (not as violent as it sounds) and live a giant booby trapped stadium full of killer robots just sitting there.

We head back to the diner for our closing scene. Jill thanks them for saving her and MJ goes into a speech about how if she ever needs help in the future they’ll be there to save her again…. Jill is in her parent’s car driving down the street halfway through this speech so Im not really sure who Mike is talking to but oh well!

Recap:

This show was alright I guess. It’s weird that Michael couldn’t be bothered to do any of the live action footage, I mean it was clearly remotely recorded…he couldn’t sit down for five minutes to record a couple intro lines or interview questions? (in the end the players where asked a couple questions by kids framed in sports cards.) Also the whole show felt very Canadian…don’t know if it was or not but I noticed a few cannuck accents in the show (voice actors are as thick as flies in the great white north) That would also explain the whole “Most important game! Ice Hockey!” thing. And hey, Michael didn’t even perform any action in the cartoon!! He bounced a little and threw a ball! Once! He didn’t fight robots, he didn’t even spar in the beginning. It’s like MJ told the producers that not only did he not want to contribute much, he didn’t even want his animated self to be to involved! And another thing…

California Raisins

Remember the California Raisins?

Do you remember the California Raisins? I sure do…for starters, I remember actual raisins from California. I’ve always had a love hate relationship…great in old people cereal but they make a pretty lousy snack. For the most part, I’ll buy a package of tiny boxes of the dried grapes, eat them the first couple of days, then get real bored, real fast. But enough about California raisins…let’s talk about California Raisins.

In the 1980’s, The Claymation Giants at Will Vinton Studios produced commercials that would change the raisin game forever. Suddenly bluesy anthropomorphic raisins were everywhere! TV, radio, novelty items…even one of those cool stuffed toys that hung on your car window (usually reserved for Garfield) I have a vivid memory of Raisin Mania…what I don’t remember however, was the actual California Raisins Show.

This ends today.
INSERT NAME CHART
California Raisins: “Meet The Raisins”

California Raisins Part 1

So far this cartoon is pretty freaking great (by my standards anyway) to start with I have always been a huge fan of Claymation and Stop-Motion, if you couldn’t figure that out, and Will Vinton was one of the legends. The character design is fantastic, the doowap and Motown rock hits are outstanding and the fruit related puns are non stop. Together that is a formula for success! The entire show is done in a faux documentary “behind the music style that really works with the program narrated by a nerdy british carrot, showing video clips on a vin-tone television (get it?)

Up until now we have seen them ditch an early member of the group (a “bitter” grapefruit) and then go on to success after hiring his replacement ala The Beatles dumping Pete Best for Ringo Star.

They became a hit on a singing reality competition gameshow that I would actually watch wherein if the contestants did not have enough talent they would be squashed, heated up or otherwise brutalized on national tv. Now that’s entertainment!

Side Note: they also have these great commercial breaks with fruit and vegetable related products and television shows including “hair styling products” and a Vegetable Soap Opera “the young and the seedless”

California Raisins Part 2

They’ve begun to pop the Grapefruit guy into the background as an ongoing joke (he’s constantly trying to get into the act.)

The Raisins career has hit a sour note since their discovery on national tv. They had to start over, performing on the street, then live elevator music and then singing telegrams; in a brilliant scene in which they terrorize and nearly kill a mountain climber. They gain national attention for saving his life and are once again discovered, this time by a Raspberry, Italian film maker. And are put into a Spaghetti Western where they apparently use live ammunition.

**they star in some other movie parodies including a 2001 a space oddysey movie and my personal favorite a star trek parody! “My alien side does not reason…but my raisin side say mmbo bowow boppa mmbow ba bow…” Pure Brilliance!

California Raisins Part 3

The raisins go on a goodwill tour through the arctic circle and play for snowmen, penguins and a walrus.

Not surprisingly the tour loses money and the crew begin their flight home, broke and frozen together somewhere over the US the plane gets struck by lightning and crashes right in the middle of a concert by Lick Broccoli and the herbacides (the current band of the grapefruit ex member)

The Raisins steal the show…literally. They thaw out and start playing for an audience that apparently hates the herbacides even though they are sitting in their concert. (maybe they were assuming a better band would crash an airplance into the concert hall and start performing?) at any rate the crowd and the tv audience at home eats up the Raisins and they go on to greatness and fame (in the 80s).

The End.

California Raisins Recap

There really isn’t too much more I can add to this. I wish I would have seen it sooner. I watched this, so mesmerized by the claymation that at times I wondered if I enjoyed the show as much as I thought, or just fell in love with the visual masterpiece that it was. In reality the writing was my cup of tea, the puns were great and the ongoing gags never got old. Although only produced in 2D animation (my second favorite animation style) this production makes me want to check out the television series. I hope it wont leave a sour taste in my mouth. Nobody likes sour grapes.

inhuminoids show name

Inhumanoids. The Full Moon Review!

**One Monster’s continuing mission to explore strange new (old) cartoons. Shows he has never seen! Watched in small segments and reviewed immediately. No research! No rewinds! No shame! Join me as I embarrass myself for your reading pleasure. This is Full Moon Reviews!**

The Inhuminoids. Out of all of the cartoons I’ve never seen, I’ve always felt like this is the one that I should have seen the most. From the minor descriptions of the show I’ve heard in pod casts and what-not it seems to fall in the adventure/monster/madball/bizarre adventure genre. That my friends is a genre I am more than happy to be square in the middle of. Anyway I don’t know anything about this show other than it’s creepy and the characters have cool names. But hey…what else do you need in a cartoon really?

WOW that opening credit sequence would have caused a lesser retro-monster cartoon reviewer to have an awesome induced seizure. I’m having a hard time even remembering everything I saw. There were transformations, Monsters. Monsters breaking rocks. Lava. Other monsters….all the essentials. I hope the rest of the show lives up to the promise of awesomeness made by the opening credits I just hope it moves at a little less of a frenetic pace…otherwise I might be dealing with a regular old seizure.
Presenting Inhuminoids Episode 4: Negative Polarity.

Uhhh I have no idea what is going on. There are all these monster guys (pretty sweet looking monsters) and there is a robot some giant robot/medieval knight monster is leading two other monsters (one who looks like a fire beast and one that looks like a king Kong rock monster through a cave and he finds a glowing ball that he calls gavacite. He cracks it open and the two monsters grow really big and he gets knocked on his metal keister. And they all agree that they now have the power to finally rule something or other. I’m assuming that since they have ambitions they must be the bad guys but I guess time will tell.

The two big monsters approach a demon looking monster sitting on an island in the middle of lava. He appears to be playing with a clay human toy. He knows they got into the Galvacite and they say their gonna destroy him with their power. (he must rule whatever it is they wanna rule. He pushes a button and sinks into the ground escaping thing one and thing two.

We cut to a courtroom where two of the most villainous villains I’ve ever seen are about to be sentenced for some crime or another. A senator runs in to pardon them with papers that upon further inspection appear to have huge letter M some fancy borders and a drawing of an eyeball on them. The judge says they’re in order and I cant help but agree.

They get pardoned and then an enormous skeleton dinosaur beast crashes up through the floor and says that the formula the bad dudes made was a failure and the sun still burns him. Now he has to destroy them (talk about an unsatisfied customer! The judge ridiculously sends the bailiff to arrest him and he gets out handcuffs (that wouldn’t fit around the monsters pinkie nail) to do just that. His arrest attempt ends with “mixed results”

So the defendant (the one that was a giant monster, not the evil looking guy in the eye patch) was Manglar which is one of the character names I knew! He’s pretty awesome looking with a skull face a scary armor covered body, a giant tentacle arm and shiny blue eyes that bear an uncanny resemblance to The Jewel Eyed My Little Pony Toys!

We’re back underground and those two giant monsters are still hoped up on Galvacite and talking about taking over and destroying the inhumanities (I kind of thought they WERE the inhumanities) their boss robot, who suddenly has a foreign accent of indistinct origin is telling them to destroy Infernac…? When suddenly Metlar bursts through the wall, Kool Aid Man style, and tells the Inhuminoids to attack! Apparently the in humanoids are actually clay statues of ancient Roman characters come to life.

I don’t know that the monsters are or why some of the monsters are fighting other monsters and I still don’t know who is good and who is bad. The inhumanities attack and all hell brakes loose! The Inhuminoids get their clay butts absolutely handed to them in this fight. Medusa dies a graphic screaming ugly death and the sometimes foreign sometimes not foreign robot fell in the lava and gets killed! Killed! In a cartoon! The two big monsters produce some kind of ultra powerful magnetic field and wipe out the rest of the Inhuminoids.

Okay so the robot guy isn’t as dead as I thought he was but they do push him down, yell at him and tell him they don’t want to be his friends anymore (ouch!) then they throw lava at Metlar and take over Infernac. Being a jerk is the first sign of a Galvacite addiction…

Metlar stagers his way to the rock kingdom to visit the rock king but all the rock soldiers pelt him with rocks. He tries to explain that there has been a magnetic inversion and he needs to talk to their king and that he isn’t evil anymore (is it because of the magnetic inversion? I didn’t know evil worked like that…)
The king wanders out and does a double take when he sees Metlar

Metlar is sick and suddenly not evil so he apologizes to the (apparently impeached) rock king for tricking him into freeing Metlar and getting him in trouble with the rock citizens. The rock king is weirded out by his apology but he accepts it. Then Metlar drunk-walks off into the distance.

We then get a montage scene where military people are doing military type things that are getting messed up because of weird magnetic interference.

The whole world is freaking out wandering what in the devil is going on…is it the Russians? Or some OTHER sinister force? Now we are in the headquarter of some sort of typical looking 80’s cartoon action team. They’re making puns like “cool it liquidator” and “that guy really burns me up” so I’m assuming they have some kind of powers.

As they are having some kind of weird expositional conversation about why its bad the earth has gonna all magnetic Metlar bursts up through the floor! (I’m sold…this is how I make my entrances from now on!)

They attack the poor misunderstood Metlar but soon realize that he’s not fighting back. He tells them he’s come as a friend. One dude says “you’ll forgive us if we don’t start dancing yet” To which, if I were Metlar, my response would be: “Why would you start dancing anyway? That doesn’t even make sense!” instead Metlar engages in more expositional dialogue.

He tells them the good guys are now bad and vise versa (meaning he was a bad guy and the two giant monsters were good guys! The humans and Metlar decide to do a “mortal enemies working toward a common good” thing. I love those things! So the humans have put on their robot suits and headed off to help Metlar…patch eye and Manglar are off to find a monster to help them defeat Decompose (a character I had also heard of) the skeleton dino guy. Everybody is ready for action!
The robot suit guys get attacked and possibly killed by snail warrior monsters riding snail warrior beasts with crossbows.

Meanwhile the world has gone goofy damns are breaking the aurora borealis is confusing the polar bears and all the buildings are bending like rubber because the magnetic fields are so strong. Is massive magnetic chaos!!

It turns out the humans are still alive and were captured. They are in the process of being auctioned off by the snail-dog guys.

They escape the auction with the help of the (now Russian) robot suit guy. They make their way through all the magnetism in their suits…that they point out are made of plastic. Does anyone know if this is cannon, where they always plastic or just in this episode. They get to Infernoc and engage the two monsters in an epic clash of the titans style battle.

They put the Galvacite stone back together (they do this by liquidator melting the rock back together with acid…because it works like that) then they attack the two big monsters and knock them out with a rock which goes shooting up into the lava cloud.
I’m assuming this is what they were going for since they break into celebratory dance.

The two monsters go back to normal and the now evil again Metlar attacks them and drives him from their domain. All the magnetic goofiness and radiation on earth stops. We go back to the two bad guys witnessing a monster nest hatching. One of the monsters hatches first and eats the others (how graphic!) They are about to recruit the crazy carnivorous monster when they realize they have to way to control it. They are chased from the cave and barely escape with their lives.

This cartoon was unexpectedly action packed. It moved so fast that I could barely keep up with what was going on and considering the fact that I’ve never seen an episode made it worse. In retrospect I shouldn’t have started with episode four (every other show you could jump in wherever you wanted) I’m probably going to have to do some more research since this is definitely the kind of show I could get into. At least I’m assuming I could I was having a little trouble with the computer while I was watching it. You know. Magnetic interference and all.

bananaman title

Banana Man – The Full Moon Review!

As my British readers (of which I’m told I have 2!) will testify, today’s cartoon Banana Man is in fact a British Cartoon! I believe that it has to do with a kid changing into a superhero called Banana Man. Based on that it probably has the feel of a Captain Marvel/grocery produce section crossover feel. I’m also fairly certain that it’s done by the same good people who created Danger Mouse and Count Duckula. I also think (wow I am a guessing encyclopedia about this show!) that it be the first among those shows so it could have a sketchy “first cartoon by that studio” feel. Either way I can’t wait to sink my fangs into this retro toon from across the pond. Presenting Banana Man. The Full Moon Review!

The opening credits seem very iconic. I feel like it was something I heard over and over again during my childhood though, since I wasn’t lucky enough to be British, that wasn’t that case. Since I’ve never seen the show and already feel nostalgic about the story told in the opening I have good feelings about the show. So far I could have just guessed the entire premise of the show on the fly ant it seems like it would’ve been pretty accurate. Eric eats banana.


Eric turns into superhero called Banana Man.
Nice simple to the point concept. Lets see what this episode has to offer!

Banana Man Episode #1. Banana Man Meets Dr Gloom!

Wow the animation is somewhat on the crude side but in an interesting way. I’m a big fan of things that “have character” and this definitely fits that bill. The episode opens with Eric and his babysitter playing some kind of crazy foreign British card game called “Happy families” which I think is similar to go-fish or old maid.

MEANWHILE!!!

In a spooky house


the evil General Blight


and his friend DR Gloom

Have been plotting against our hero Banana Man. The narrator (which is kind of Bullwinkle narrator-esque but played straight) is treating all of these characters as if we should already know who they are. I don’t even know who Banana Man is much less the baddies I also have no idea why the villains hate Our Golden hero or why Eric can transform in the first place. Was he gifted with magical banana powers by an ancient banana wizard? Or given a special piece of banana jewelry by an inter-dimensional fruit based corps of space heroes? Where is the gritty origin story?

At any rate they come up with some kind of evil plan after having been thwarted by our hero one to many times. We cut to Eric and the Babysitter now watching the news where we are told that if Ban Man doesn’t appear in person to negotiate the earth will be destroyed!

Eric immediately changes and as Banana Man wonders Where “this Dr Gloom” is….so he doesn’t know the villains either? Hmmm. After the newscaster comes out of the TV and snaps our hero into action

He is on his way. He flies through the air by running in mid air…I like it! And eventually arrives at the house/operating room/castle of Dr Gloom bursting through the wall. He for whatever reason, turns his back on the villain who bashes him over the head with a hammer and straps him to an operating table where he shoots him with an age regression gun (not really sure why he had to be strapped down to be shot with a laser but okay. Anyway Ban Man turns into a baby and the Dr takes photos of him to send to the legions of Banana Man fans around the world. When the press gets the pictures all hope is lost by everyone apparently. Even I don’t think he’ll save the day!

Side note: before transforming Banana Man’s trusty assistant Crow (a talking crow) tells our hero that he will find a way to save him. They never mentioned this character before so I’m not sure if we’re supposed to know him or not.

So Dr Gloom gets frustrated out of his mind by the screaming baby he now has and tries to get it to be quiet. The crow convinces him to quiet the kid by giving him a banana BAD IDEA Dr! (In real life as well. Terrible choking hazard.) The baby transforms back into Banana Man who admires himself in the mirror. The Bad Dr attempts to shoot him again but Banana Man pulls the old grab the mirror and make the villain shoot himself trick!

The laser shoots the Bad Dr and he is transformed into a villainous baby version of himself. At once this does two things 1. It turns the tides against evil! And 2. It provides inspiration for the upcoming cartoon series being produced by Vic Sage and myself entitled “Villain Babies!”

So Banana Man Saves the day once again! Or…y’know…for the first time. He leaves the baby Dr Gloom on the doorstep of his rival the evil General Blight with a note telling him to lay off the evil and take care of his new adopted son! (ooooh snap!) and then heads home for dinner. He arrives home gets questioned as to where he’s been. Out saving the world! He says and then gives us a wink and a shhh. Don’t worry Banana Man. Your secret is safe with us.

What a fun cartoon. The episodes are short and the animation is off-beat but it has a ton of charm and some great humor including 4th wall breaking stuff which is always good in my book. I highly recommend this to anyone who has never seen it. It makes me want to explore some new retro British toons so if anyone has any to suggest let me know. Now if you don’t mind I’m gonna go eat a banana! …hey, it could happen!