Mail-Order Mysteries

mail-order-mysteries

If you devoured comic books in the ’70s and ’80s, you were probably as enchanted with those small-print, full-page toy ads as I was. Mail-order companies, such as Johnson Smith and the Fun Factory, sold novelties like hotcakes. Incredible guarantees for X-Ray Spex, spy cameras, hovercraft, spud guns, smoking pets, and the iconic Sea Monkeys seemed too good to be true. As author Kirk Demarais found out, most of these offers were. In his wonderful volume, titled Mail-Order Mysteries: Real Stuff from Old Comic Book Ads!, Demarais delineates the fine line between grandiose gag gifts and genuine junk.

Collecting these inexpensive oddities since childhood (and expanding his collection as an adult via eBay), Demarais debunks the cheap throwaways and lauds the bona fide keepers. Complete with a glow-in-the-dark cover (!), the full-color book sorts the gags into groups. In the “High Finance” category, the roller-style money-maker is prominently featured. As it turns out, it was indeed a trick: you roll in a blank, bill-shaped piece of paper, and out rolls a crisp dollar that you had to preload!

Under “Superpowers and Special Abilities” is, naturally, the iconic Charles Atlas. He didn’t immediately make you a strongman for those beach trips, but his program booklet contained the secrets to a better body in just fifteen minutes a day. The Charles Atlas Fitness Program still lives today, though its cost has gone from a mere dime to the current $49.95!

In “War Zone,” that classic set of 100 green plastic toy soldiers was lovingly featured in Pixar’s Toy Story movie franchise, housed in a plastic bucket, though the original mail-order versions arrived in a cardboard foot locker. And let’s not forget the atomic mini pistol, which was simply a glorified cap gun on a keychain.With its demystification of exploding pens, whoopee cushions, book safes, joy buzzers, switchblade combs, onion-flavored chewing gum, and tacky glue that simulated “mystic smoke” from your fingertips upon application, Mail-Order Mysteries is the perfect book for those who spent countless hours in Spencer Gifts as kids while their mothers were shopping in the mall. In related news, the author produced a short film entitled Flip, about a ’60s-era, novelty-obsessed kid.

Chris Ayers

Chris is mega-excited to contribute his wacky ideas to Retroist, because he thinks that there wasn't any better era for growing up than the '70s & '80s. He also contributes to Exclaim! Magazine, Roadfood.com, and Metal Urges Podcast.

Latest posts by Chris Ayers (see all)

Subscribe to the Retroist Newsletter

* indicates required

9 thoughts on “Mail-Order Mysteries

  1. Dudley88 says:

    Damn, I remember looking at those pages in the back of comics and dreaming, just like Flip. Fortunately, my parents wouldn’t let me waste money on that crap.

  2. plcary says:

    I have this book and it is awesome! Kirk is a cool guy and if you love the Retroist, you will love this book!

  3. Chris Ayers says:

    Dudley88, I totally agree. My parents were the same way, but they did let me sell Grit and greeting cards for mail-in prizes. I had an uncle that always tricked us with whoopie cushions, joy buzzers, ice cubes with flies in them, fake hamburgers, etc. I kinda lived vicariously through him!

  4. Dudley88 says:

    The Grit? Woah, Chris, now that’s a blast from the past. I remember enjoying their comics section. It makes me think of my grandpa, who was a Grit subscriber for years. When the Grit boy came over, he would pay his fee and give him an extra 25-50 cents and tell him to go get a Popsicle and a candy bar, or something along those lines.

    Oh, how I miss small town America!

  5. I never, ever saw a real Grit. As a kid, I thought that was some kind of scam. So, I never sent away for information.

    I still want one of the “War Zones.” They just seemed too good to be true. But, from the ones I’ve seen now, they would have made my 9 year old self very happy for weeks.

    Based on the positive feedback, I am buying this book.

Leave a Reply