Retro Breakfast Cereal Memories

Labor Day is in the past. Fall is coming. For aficionados of obscure cereals, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

Our favorite trifecta of classic Monster Cereals – Count Chocula, Franken Berry and Boo Berry – will be returning to store shelves for a three-month stint. This year, General Mills decided to shake things up by adding their now-formerly defunct counterparts, Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy.

Not content with fake strawberry and fake blueberry flavors, General Mills launched Fruit Brute in 1974, a cereal that enjoyed a ten-year run and filled the “werewolf quota” (they got letters).

In 1987, fake-fruit-flavor returned briefly with Yummy Mummy (the “Coy and Vance Duke” of the Monster Cereals). With the promise of making kids’ tummies “go yummy,” it also became the first breakfast food that required community notification.

yummy-mummy-fruit-brute

As we herald the return of these short-lived breakfast offerings that redefined “marshmallows” (seriously, they make HORRIBLE s’mores), let us look back on some other cereals that enjoyed brief, but memorable runs… or just gave kids the runs…

Kellogg’s Raisin’s Rice & Rye
raisins-rice-rye

Kellogg’s billed this as a “Remarkable Threesome.” This “menage a trainwreck” inexplicably introduced rye as a prominent member of the three-way. You know. Cuz kids just LOVE rye bread. Apparently, other options were bandied about for the kiddies: Raisins Rice & Your Dog Died, Raisins, Rice & We’re Moving, and Raisins Rice & Daddy Won’t Be Living Here Anymore.

FOOD
Retro Breakfast Cereal Memories
Posted on September 6, 2013 by Steve Anderson
Labor Day is in the past. Fall is coming. For aficionados of obscure cereals, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

Our favorite trifecta of classic Monster Cereals – Count Chocula, Franken Berry and Boo Berry – will be returning to store shelves for a three-month stint. This year, General Mills decided to shake things up by adding their now-formerly defunct counterparts, Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy.

Not content with fake strawberry and fake blueberry flavors, General Mills launched Fruit Brute in 1974, a cereal that enjoyed a ten-year run and filled the “werewolf quota” (they got letters).

In 1987, fake-fruit-flavor returned briefly with Yummy Mummy (the “Coy and Vance Duke” of the Monster Cereals). With the promise of making kids’ tummies “go yummy,” it also became the first breakfast food that required community notification.

yummy-mummy-fruit-brute

As we herald the return of these short-lived breakfast offerings that redefined “marshmallows” (seriously, they make HORRIBLE s’mores), let us look back on some other cereals that enjoyed brief, but memorable runs… or just gave kids the runs…

Kellogg’s Raisin’s Rice & Rye
raisins-rice-rye

Kellogg’s billed this as a “Remarkable Threesome.” This “menage a trainwreck” inexplicably introduced rye as a prominent member of the three-way. You know. Cuz kids just LOVE rye bread. Apparently, other options were bandied about for the kiddies: Raisins Rice & Your Dog Died, Raisins, Rice & We’re Moving, and Raisins Rice & Daddy Won’t Be Living Here Anymore.

Closest you’ll get to a Scottish minstrel show.

Post Pink Panther Flakes
pink-panther-flakes

Not to be confused with a rare strain of feline eczema, Pink Panther Flakes were a tie- in to the Post-sponsored Pink Panther Show cartoon, airing on Saturday morning in the early seventies. The aforementioned flakes were pink in name only and left the milk with an overly sugary, non-strawberry-flavored bubblegum hue. Because kids need to learn about disappointment at an early age.

Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.

Ralston Freakies
freakies-cereal

Sit a spell. This is gonna take a while.

Hamhose, Gargle, Cowmumble, Grumble, Goody-Goody and Snorkeldorf composed the Freakies, whose “Holy Grail” was the Freakies Tree. Led by Boss Moss (aka Heisnenberg), the tree was the source of their cereal. After a 1972 to 1976 run (where Fruity Freakies joined the group in 1975, which REALLY got Anita Bryant’s dander up), this ragtag bunch of “cavity creeps” returned in 1987 as aliens.

Joining the group were Hugger (now a registered sex offender), Sweetie (who was the first to diddle herself with a foam finger on an early VMA), Tooter (the first “face” of lactose intolerance) and Hotdog (not to be confused with Archie’s rabid mutt who mauled Jughead because he wouldn’t top wearing that stupid hat).

Sidenote: Boss Moss and Grumble were not part of the new line-up. Grumble died from a combination of morbid obesity and diabetes. Boss Moss went on to rule North Korea.

Because every cereal needs unnecessary exposition and an overly elaborate back story.

Post Sugar Rice Krinkles

The video says it all. As for the nightmares tonight, YOU’RE WELCOME!

There is no truth to the rumor that Krinkles will be re-introduced as Post Sugar Rice Twerks.

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