Confessions of an Elementary School Gum Peddler


The gum business in my elementary school was booming and Bubble Yum was the gum that brought in the most money. How do I know? Because I was an illicit gum seller. I peddled Bazooka gum at a dime a piece and would clean up, sometimes pulling in as much as 2 bucks a day. That was nothing compared to those Bubble Yum peddlers. A fresh piece of Bananaberry Split could pull in 25 cents. I would occasionally try my hand at selling in the big leagues, but laying out money for those packs of gum and the potential for getting caught with the higher price merchandise, generally put it out of my reach.

I lived my life in constant fear, but I regretted nothing. Plus it taught me valuable lessons about capitalism and self control when it came to gum. Ever 2.5 pieces was one less video game I could play after school with my profits. So indulging was a big “no no”.

Did I dream of bigger things? Sure sometimes I thought about selling the higher quality gum or even the candy bars. But that world was not for me. I was strictly small time, but that didn’t stop me from dreaming…


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4 thoughts on “Confessions of an Elementary School Gum Peddler

  1. So, basically, the guy in the spot now lives with aliens and that blonde.

    Seems like a better deal than his life working at the store with that old timey cash register.

  2. I never went into the biz myself, but I was of course a patron. One guy in elementary school and junior high sold pencils and Now&Laters. Now&Laters were of course dreadful but that never stopped us from buying them on the black market.

    In high school another buddy sold Twix and of all things New York Seltzer.

    Speaking of New York Seltzer, anyone know what led to its demise? Retroist fans want to know! I want to know!

  3. The Cosmic Joker says:

    If I recall, I believe this was Bubble Yum’s attempt to cash in on the “two flavors in one” candy craze back in the 80s as seen with the likes of Bonkers candy.

    Personally though, I’d rather be crushed by giant pieces of fruit falling through the roof than being beamed to live with alien gum peddlers.

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