Still Time to Work on Your Bod for This Swimsuit Season or The Retroist Goes to the Beach

The Retroist Goes to the Beach

A warm summer day at the Jersey Shore. The Retroist and his girlfriend Tanya Roberts are frolicking. The Retroist is wearing a one piece and Tanya is dressed like Kiri in “The Beastmaster”.

The Retroist
Wow, Kiri, I mean Tanya, I am having a great time here at Sandy Hook.

Tanya
Me too The Retroist. I have never had so much fun. Now lets enjoy our Fried Chicken Picnic.

They sit down and start eating a bucket of fried chicken on a red checkered blanket. It looks very crispy. I am not sure, but it might be extra crispy and not original recipe.

Enter Big Tom Hill — He is named for a Hill but is as big as a Mountain.

Big Tom Hill
Hey Tanya. How you doing. I am Big Tom Hill and I want to enjoy your chicken.

The Retroist
(whining)But this is our chicken feast.

Big Tom Hill
Ha ha little man. You look warm. How about you take a swim?

Big Tom picks up The Retroist and throws him out beyond the sandbar. Big Tom takes a seat next to Tanya on the blanket. His muscles glow and ripple.

Tanya
Thanks Big Tom. Looking at that pip squeak made it difficult to eat.

Big Tom Hill
I understand. Weakness is an appetite suppressant. Now prepare for a feast.

He starts flexing and Tanya swoons — They feast. The Retroist can be seen in the background being eaten by sharks.

Fade to Black

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…end Scene. Summer is almost over, but you still have a few weeks to drop the flab and pack on the muscle. Don’t end up like The Retroist — Subscribe to the Joe Weider Program and you can see results in only 2 weeks.

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The Retroist

Editor/Podcaster at Retroist
The Retroist is like a BBQ on a bun without the bones. You're only human daddy. Chomp!
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One thought on “Still Time to Work on Your Bod for This Swimsuit Season or The Retroist Goes to the Beach

  1. vinvectrex says:

    Bummer about getting eaten by sharks, Retroist. While I’m sure it is perfectly healthy to gain 16 lbs in 14 days, I prefer to do so with McRibs and Chocodiles.

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