**One Monster’s continuing mission to explore strange new (old) cartoons. Shows he has never seen! Watched in small segments and reviewed immediately. No research! No rewinds! No shame! Join me as I embarrass myself for your reading pleasure. This is Full Moon Reviews!**
The Inhuminoids. Out of all of the cartoons I’ve never seen, I’ve always felt like this is the one that I should have seen the most. From the minor descriptions of the show I’ve heard in pod casts and what-not it seems to fall in the adventure/monster/madball/bizarre adventure genre. That my friends is a genre I am more than happy to be square in the middle of. Anyway I don’t know anything about this show other than it’s creepy and the characters have cool names. But hey…what else do you need in a cartoon really?
WOW that opening credit sequence would have caused a lesser retro-monster cartoon reviewer to have an awesome induced seizure. I’m having a hard time even remembering everything I saw. There were transformations, Monsters. Monsters breaking rocks. Lava. Other monsters….all the essentials. I hope the rest of the show lives up to the promise of awesomeness made by the opening credits I just hope it moves at a little less of a frenetic pace…otherwise I might be dealing with a regular old seizure.
Presenting Inhuminoids Episode 4: Negative Polarity.
Uhhh I have no idea what is going on. There are all these monster guys (pretty sweet looking monsters) and there is a robot some giant robot/medieval knight monster is leading two other monsters (one who looks like a fire beast and one that looks like a king Kong rock monster through a cave and he finds a glowing ball that he calls gavacite. He cracks it open and the two monsters grow really big and he gets knocked on his metal keister. And they all agree that they now have the power to finally rule something or other. I’m assuming that since they have ambitions they must be the bad guys but I guess time will tell.
The two big monsters approach a demon looking monster sitting on an island in the middle of lava. He appears to be playing with a clay human toy. He knows they got into the Galvacite and they say their gonna destroy him with their power. (he must rule whatever it is they wanna rule. He pushes a button and sinks into the ground escaping thing one and thing two.
We cut to a courtroom where two of the most villainous villains I’ve ever seen are about to be sentenced for some crime or another. A senator runs in to pardon them with papers that upon further inspection appear to have huge letter M some fancy borders and a drawing of an eyeball on them. The judge says they’re in order and I cant help but agree.
They get pardoned and then an enormous skeleton dinosaur beast crashes up through the floor and says that the formula the bad dudes made was a failure and the sun still burns him. Now he has to destroy them (talk about an unsatisfied customer! The judge ridiculously sends the bailiff to arrest him and he gets out handcuffs (that wouldn’t fit around the monsters pinkie nail) to do just that. His arrest attempt ends with “mixed results”
So the defendant (the one that was a giant monster, not the evil looking guy in the eye patch) was Manglar which is one of the character names I knew! He’s pretty awesome looking with a skull face a scary armor covered body, a giant tentacle arm and shiny blue eyes that bear an uncanny resemblance to The Jewel Eyed My Little Pony Toys!
We’re back underground and those two giant monsters are still hoped up on Galvacite and talking about taking over and destroying the inhumanities (I kind of thought they WERE the inhumanities) their boss robot, who suddenly has a foreign accent of indistinct origin is telling them to destroy Infernac…? When suddenly Metlar bursts through the wall, Kool Aid Man style, and tells the Inhuminoids to attack! Apparently the in humanoids are actually clay statues of ancient Roman characters come to life.
I don’t know that the monsters are or why some of the monsters are fighting other monsters and I still don’t know who is good and who is bad. The inhumanities attack and all hell brakes loose! The Inhuminoids get their clay butts absolutely handed to them in this fight. Medusa dies a graphic screaming ugly death and the sometimes foreign sometimes not foreign robot fell in the lava and gets killed! Killed! In a cartoon! The two big monsters produce some kind of ultra powerful magnetic field and wipe out the rest of the Inhuminoids.
Okay so the robot guy isn’t as dead as I thought he was but they do push him down, yell at him and tell him they don’t want to be his friends anymore (ouch!) then they throw lava at Metlar and take over Infernac. Being a jerk is the first sign of a Galvacite addiction…
Metlar stagers his way to the rock kingdom to visit the rock king but all the rock soldiers pelt him with rocks. He tries to explain that there has been a magnetic inversion and he needs to talk to their king and that he isn’t evil anymore (is it because of the magnetic inversion? I didn’t know evil worked like that…)
The king wanders out and does a double take when he sees Metlar
Metlar is sick and suddenly not evil so he apologizes to the (apparently impeached) rock king for tricking him into freeing Metlar and getting him in trouble with the rock citizens. The rock king is weirded out by his apology but he accepts it. Then Metlar drunk-walks off into the distance.
We then get a montage scene where military people are doing military type things that are getting messed up because of weird magnetic interference.
The whole world is freaking out wandering what in the devil is going on…is it the Russians? Or some OTHER sinister force? Now we are in the headquarter of some sort of typical looking 80’s cartoon action team. They’re making puns like “cool it liquidator” and “that guy really burns me up” so I’m assuming they have some kind of powers.
As they are having some kind of weird expositional conversation about why its bad the earth has gonna all magnetic Metlar bursts up through the floor! (I’m sold…this is how I make my entrances from now on!)
They attack the poor misunderstood Metlar but soon realize that he’s not fighting back. He tells them he’s come as a friend. One dude says “you’ll forgive us if we don’t start dancing yet” To which, if I were Metlar, my response would be: “Why would you start dancing anyway? That doesn’t even make sense!” instead Metlar engages in more expositional dialogue.
He tells them the good guys are now bad and vise versa (meaning he was a bad guy and the two giant monsters were good guys! The humans and Metlar decide to do a “mortal enemies working toward a common good” thing. I love those things! So the humans have put on their robot suits and headed off to help Metlar…patch eye and Manglar are off to find a monster to help them defeat Decompose (a character I had also heard of) the skeleton dino guy. Everybody is ready for action!
The robot suit guys get attacked and possibly killed by snail warrior monsters riding snail warrior beasts with crossbows.
Meanwhile the world has gone goofy damns are breaking the aurora borealis is confusing the polar bears and all the buildings are bending like rubber because the magnetic fields are so strong. Is massive magnetic chaos!!
It turns out the humans are still alive and were captured. They are in the process of being auctioned off by the snail-dog guys.
They escape the auction with the help of the (now Russian) robot suit guy. They make their way through all the magnetism in their suits…that they point out are made of plastic. Does anyone know if this is cannon, where they always plastic or just in this episode. They get to Infernoc and engage the two monsters in an epic clash of the titans style battle.
They put the Galvacite stone back together (they do this by liquidator melting the rock back together with acid…because it works like that) then they attack the two big monsters and knock them out with a rock which goes shooting up into the lava cloud.
I’m assuming this is what they were going for since they break into celebratory dance.
The two monsters go back to normal and the now evil again Metlar attacks them and drives him from their domain. All the magnetic goofiness and radiation on earth stops. We go back to the two bad guys witnessing a monster nest hatching. One of the monsters hatches first and eats the others (how graphic!) They are about to recruit the crazy carnivorous monster when they realize they have to way to control it. They are chased from the cave and barely escape with their lives.
This cartoon was unexpectedly action packed. It moved so fast that I could barely keep up with what was going on and considering the fact that I’ve never seen an episode made it worse. In retrospect I shouldn’t have started with episode four (every other show you could jump in wherever you wanted) I’m probably going to have to do some more research since this is definitely the kind of show I could get into. At least I’m assuming I could I was having a little trouble with the computer while I was watching it. You know. Magnetic interference and all.