**One Monster’s continuing mission to explore strange new (old) cartoons. Shows he has never seen! Watched in small segments and reviewed immediately. No research! No rewinds! No shame! Join me as I embarrass myself for your reading pleasure. This is Full Moon Reviews!**
Years ago when I first learned that COPS the Animated series existed I was really intrigued. How could they possibly adapt such a gritty real world fox television series into a cartoon? Would they have animated depictions of police officers chasing some guy they busted for weed through a dark field while animated “shaky cam” tried to keep up with the action. Cartoon drunk driving? Cartoon prostitution stings? Probably not. In fact I’ve heard a couple people describe it as some kind of futuristic action show. I’ve even heard it has some kind of loose association with GI Joe… At any rate there better at least be some meth labs.
Cops The Animated Series: The Case of the Stuck Up Blimp.
Okie Dokie…the opening sequence is actually pretty sweet it’s an action tour de force! Highlighting the world that the show is set in and featuring a wide array of the shows characters and their respective skills. There is also a robot dog apparently. The opening monologue uses the tagline: “Fighting Crime…in a Future Time!“ Oh…yeah. As usual the bad guys look way more interesting than the good guys…but then again, I’ve always been partial to villains! The episode opens with a news story about a huge super expensive blimp that will be arriving in the city much to the delight of the upper crust citizens. We are then transported to the office of the Big Boss the man who I guess is the main bad guy as he was also mentioned in the opening. He sits at a big desk stroking his cat with a metal hand (this made me kind of M.A.D. since it’s been done before!) the big boss man (doing his best James Cagney) has an awesome(?) plan to steal all of “da Loot” from the rich folks on the blimp and make their getaway in a copter while the cops are distracted by the sabotaged blimp. Since the three goons he’s talking too all seem…let’s just say “slow” and one of them is actually dressed like he’s a prisoner in an old keystone capers short, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that I bet the plan fails.
*Side note: we seem to have a pretty awesome little “tuxedo” sub-plot going here. Big boss has said that it’s vitally to the plan that his short bus goons wear them to the robbery and at least one cop has picked one up as well. He even has a top hat given to him by a crazed, top hat obsessed sales clerk (I’m assuming)
The cop sees the goons going into the tux shop and what follows is one of the most backwards nonsense displays of technology I have ever seen. He enters there numerical prisoner id codes into the computer to find out who they are. He has their ID CODES MEMORIZED but he doesn’t know who they are. Then the computer (rather than just bringing up pictures of them) does that ridiculous eyes, mouth, nose match-up thing they like to do in police shows. Then the computer puts the faces together and finds out who they are…even though it ALREADY HAD THEIR ID!
While he is doing all this they rob the tuxedo shop of three tuxedos and start running down the street with them yelling (exactly how I got my tux for senior prom) the cop chases them on foot (just like the reality show except no one slips in wet grass or jumps over a fence.)
The bad guys run down an alley and up a fire escape and we learn that the cop chasing them is afraid of heights! He still follows and the bad guys rip a rain gutter off of the side of the building and walk across it (an aluminum rain gutter) to get to the next roof. They both loose their balance and slip which is supposed to be hysterical comic relief but in reality makes me just as afraid of heights as the cop was.
The cop tries to follow, has a panic attack and hugs the gutter for all he’s worth. The bad guys realize he’s afraid and pick on him like a bunch of big jerks!
The cop (who’s name is revealed to be Hard Top) is back at HQ and ready to go to the party. Seems he wants to meet his dream girl a local red hot journalist who “goes for big tough cops in uniform) grwwwwol! The bad guys have completely changed the entire plan because the ability to adapt to situations and grow is an important part of running any strong business venture. We cut back to the cops who are riding up an elevator when the Chief asks hard top “how long have you been afraid of heights.” he asks what makes him think he is?…well gee hard top maybe it’s that fact that you’re visibly shaking, clutching your stomache and sweating like a maniac?
We arrive at the party where the men seemed to be dressed normally while the women are in sexy Egyptian costumes (I’ll allow it) and all the rich people have cranked their rich up to eleven! There swinging jewelry around, irrationally opening their wallets to flips through wads of cash.
And in general acting as if they WANT to be robbed.
After some funny scenes where the chief (Bullet Proof) gets beaten up by the reports make-up, camera man, and boom mic robots, and the head dumb goon gets to deliver some amazing dialogue “whaddaya think I am? Da gallupin gor-met?” Hard Top gets to meet the girl of his dreams!
She ditches him just before the two cops discover that the bad guys are posing as the catering staff! (they do this without the computer) and chase them leading to an epic guns vs. food fight in the kitchen. Despite attacking with a giant cake, the cops loose and get tied up and thrown in the meat freezer. Where one of the goons tells them to “chill out” before slamming the door. Chill out! Get it? While the baddies carry out their devious plan the copcicles continue trying to free themselves Bullet Proof (whom I think is a robot) breaks his ropes and calls for help. The cops all get up and scramble. One dude turns to the camera and says “it’s crime fightin time!”
No champ, it was crime fighting time half an hour ago. Now maybe you guys should get off your butts, stop playing video games and do you jobs! I pay good tax money to…ahem…sorry about that.
Bullet Proof (who carries bombs in his robot chest) frees them and then goes on top of the blimp to prevent the bad guy (Crusher) from cutting it free. Bullet Proof get’s thrown off the blimp and the getaway vehicle arrives to pick up the bad guys. I think the villains are gonna win this one kids!
The reporter tries to get an eclusive interview with the bad guy Berserker and he threatens to punch her! Then tragedy strikes…he picks up and kills Beamer, the cameraman robot…a moment of silence please…
Bullet Proof survives his fall but shuts down, and the bad guy captures the reporter. The rest of the cops show up but they cant connect their ship to the blimp and Hard Top must, of course, face his fear of heights to make the connection and allow the back-up to arrive! The cops charge in (making some weird entrances) but kicking some bad-dude butt!
They beat up the bad guys while dodging their non-stop hail of gunfire at incredibly close range (in the future guns stop being GI Joe lasers and go back to actual bullets) they leave the villains bruised and beaten
and then go after the main two. Berzerker escapes with a bag of loot and Hard Top gets a chance to play hero to his news babe.. He’s apparently not in the least afraid of heights now and he almost gets a kiss but it gets spoiled when the last badguy Crusher, tries to attack them and gets captured by Long Arm. The reporter gets whisked away by one of her robot friends and Hard Top Tells us all that “Anyone can overcome their fears!” they give a nice little recap at the end and close the file. The reporter mentions Hard Top in her news story (they’ll be wed some day!) and we get an all around happy ending…except maybe for the tuxedo store owner…I don’t think he ever get’s any justice.
This show was great. Lots of action, surprisingly well developed characters and lots of funny moments. The bad guys are sadly one-dimensional but there seems to be a lot of them. I enjoyed the roll call during the closing credits where they give a shoutout to each and every main character on the show. All the specialist cops are pretty cool and I like the bionic angle some of them have. If the villains were a little tougher and more highly developed it would make for some great battles. If I lived in the town for a month I would be ruling it with an iron fist….not an actual iron fist though, Big Boss already tried that and he’s a miserable failure.
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