Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude!

Trying to launch a mascot for the Sega brand seems like a pointless exercise. Sonic the hedgehog is still to this day a much beloved character. But Sega tried, first with Alex kid , Kid chameleon and then Greendog before they got it right. How did Greendog’s debut work out? Let us dive in and find out.

Greendog is a laidback surfer dude with bleached blond hair, skateboard, Frisbee, in line skates, a peddle powered gyrocopter and no face (I’m totally not kidding). It looks like your basic platformer/jump and gun with some skating levels and gyrocopter levels thrown in for good measure. When I say it looks like I mean ‘LOOKS‘ because is sure as hell doesn’t feel like any platformer you have ever played. This game (when released) got some fairly good reviews: GameFan gave it 71.5% and Mobygames praised its “innovative style and atmosphere” whilst also giving high praise to its ‘calypso’ Soundtrack. So being a well received game you maybe asking yourself “why no sequel” and with this question I answer “Because! its the MOST boring game you will ever play in your LIFE!”. This game is truly awful, It has nothing, NOTHING! Trying to scratch a review out of it is akin to talking about a tree in the background of a movie, It doesn’t do anything its just there. Let me try to break it down (for my sake rather than yours, you probably stopped reading ages ago)

Graphics: While the game, at first, seems to be colourful and interesting you will quickly realise that it hardly ever changes. The game designers use and re-use the same objects over and over again and going through the levels you would feel you are in the same place if it wasn’t for the odd gyrocopter or skating stage making an appearance. Sure every now and again you will get an Underground train level (not as cool as it sounds) or an African tribe level (exactly as stereotypical and borderline racist as it sounds) but you just go back to the same thing time and time again. As I stated before The main character has NO FACE… No features at all and for the first few levels I though he was wearing some sort of odd hat, till I realised it was his hair! The character sprite is huge and I mean huge taking up at an 1/8 of the screen at points and although hit detection in this game is pretty good its almost impossible to judge if you have enough room to jump/attack/duck.

Sound. Music in the game seems fair, enough time and effort have been taken to make some decent songs but this revelation is shattered by the fact that there are only a handful of songs and they get recycled almost as much as the scenery. Sound FX also gets annoying after a while.

Gameplay: If you can call it gameplay is not only ridiculously easy but boring and monotonous. In most platformers you sometimes have to take your time to judge things until you get a good flow going on with obstacles (see mario or Sonic) but with this game you have no choice than to take things slowly as there is nothing to do. There is no sense of urgency, some set pieces (like the old floating rock on lava trick) move so goddamn slowly and require so little input from you that the hardest thing in this game is stopping yourself from turning the console off and going to bed.

In closing this game is too easy and unappealing to look at or listen to even the most casual of all gamers wouldn’t find anything to test their reactions. This game even has a panic button but because there is nothing to panic you you will be forgiven for not using it, I used it once hopeful that this would make my character panic and the game would actually become exciting (it doesn’t). If your into adjectives like: thrilling, enthralling, interesting, challenging and/or gripping then stay the hell away from this game. If you have never completed a game in your life then stay the hell away from this game. If you do not want your brain to liquidise from boredom and spew forth from your ears then stay the he… you know where I’m going with this. While most aspects of this game are either substandard or just slightly poor the whole “I am so frigging bored” prospect means You should not have to countenance this piece of dirge, I would rather read The Da Vinci Code for the second time than play this game again and that’s why this game gets 1 out of 5 stars

Gameplay Video

peachy

Peachy is knee deep in old consoles and has approximately 450 items on his amazon wish-list. Questions?

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