Attack of the Open Mouth Chewers

I am glad you stopped by the blog today because I would like to talk to you about a blight that is polluting our airwaves and ruining our nation. I am of course talking about television personalities who chew loudly and most often with their mouths open. Now perhaps I was raised in a weird home, but one of the earliest things I remember learning was chewing with my mouth closed.

For a long time it seemed that the good people on TV had learned the same thing, but as they say, times they are changing. Mouths are opening and food is visible. So I ask you how can you sleep at night when you know their lip smacking and tongue snapping is being piped into the living rooms across the US? I know I can’t.

I would like to call out two people in particular whose shows I would enjoy save for their chewing habits. Offender one is Andrew Zimmerman’s host of Bizarre Foods. Offender 2 is… and I hate to say this…Alton Brown of Good Eats. Why must you mix entertainment with noisy mastication AB? Otherwise your show would glow, as it should, as the brightest star of the Food Network heavens.

I know this all sounds nuts, but this has to bother someone else besides me out there. Let your voices be heard. Let the world know that you like people to eat silently. Climb to you roof and shout it to the heavens if necessary. Just make sure you swallow all your food before shouting – talking with your mouth full is not cool either.


Garry Vander Voort

Editor/Podcaster at Retroist
The Retroist is like a BBQ on a bun without the bones. You're only human daddy. Chomp!

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2 thoughts on “Attack of the Open Mouth Chewers

  1. My dad got so mad at me for this he yelled “DON’T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!!” and that ruined my dreams of a career in radio. – Mumbling in Marysville

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