5 Worst Halloween Treats

Today I will share my thoughts on what you do not want to get in your plastic pumpkin this Halloween. Join me for the Top 5 Worst Halloween Treats.

5. DUM-DUM LOLLIPOPS
Let me start with the two good things about Dum-dums. Their name, Dum-dum is an awesome name and it looks great on a t-shirt. Secondly the flavor is great and they have lots of different types. I mean who else make pineapple suckers? But could they spare a little sugar to increase the size of these? You need a bouquet of these thing to make a decent treat. I am pretty sure everyone who gives these out for Halloween bought a bag of 99 gross of them back in 1981 and they have been rationing them out ever since.

4. NECCO WAFERS
Necco Wafers, like candy poker chips, with half the taste. Although I never saw who gave them to me, Necco Wafers always managed to show up in my plastic pumpkin bucket. I could never figure that out.

If you haven’t had Neccos they are a chalky candy and kind of taste like the lik-em aid stick, but with a hard texture that can break apart into razor sharp shards that can tear your mouth open. They were probably a great Trick or Treat candy back in 1642 when the first batch was made. Oddly enough the Necco Company also makes the Clark bar of which I am very fond.

3. POPCORN BALL
Amish children are offended when you try to pawn these off on them. I would get a bunch of these every year and due to fear poisoning fears my Mom would never let me eat them. Of course cTriosity got the better of me one year and I ate one in mid Trick or Treat and guess what? It tasted like popcorn. Not even salted popcorn. Plain popcorn. What held that thing together?

The only way I might like popcorn balls is if they were held together by caramel, dunked in chocolate, and dipped in Jolly Ranchers.

2. APPLE
Nothing like spending a cold autumn day wearing a heavy costume and risking life and limb by approaching strangers and begging for candy only to be rewarded with an apple. My what an exotic treat. Nooo way my family would ever let me eat this at home. Perhaps I could trade you some of my Reeses Peanut Butter Cups for a pear? Apples make poor treats. All fruit is bad on October 31st. That is why children wear costumes, to scare away the fruit that was harvested that autumn.

1. CHANGE
Change! Change! It might be acceptable if you got quarters, but its always pennies. I would always hit a few houses that would tape together 5 pennies and drop em in my bag. Surely that was a household begging to be egged.

Well that’s it. What are your least favorite treats? Post them below.

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10 thoughts on “5 Worst Halloween Treats

  1. Pennies?! What neighborhoods were you trick-or-treating at?

    But yes, apples do suck. I don’t like them in my trick or treat bag and I don’t like them in general (unless they’re sliced and peeled). I think we can stop with the Dum-Dums too.

    As for MY hated candies of choice? Probably any generic Crunch bars or Reese’s Cup. You know, they call’em “crisps” and just plain ol’ “peanut butter cups”. I used to hate Mary Janes as a kid. Back in the day, that was my #1 enemy on Halloween, but these days, I love’em. I kinda got tired of Bazooka gum too, I seemed to get a lot of that as well and it usually soaked up all the smells from the other candies.

  2. Heh heh heh… I used to have two bags, one for the money and Dum-Dums, and the other for the REAL stuff. Apples? I got one, once. When I was eight or so. I got mad and threw it at the lady’s dog, who had started barking at me when I asked her why she was handing out apples. The next year, I got one of those absolutely HUGE Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. You know, those 10-pound monstrosities? Best damn apology I’ve ever accepted.

    Top 5 least favorite:
    5. Apples – They’re actually okay, I just hated getting something healthy on the day I was supposed to be collecting cavities.
    4. Bazooka (or Hubba-Bubba Double) Bubble Gum – I’ve never liked gum, most likely because I’d rather be flapping mine than chewing it.
    3. ANYTHING that was a cheap knock-off – I mean, seriously? You couldn’t buy those name brand candies for 5 cents extra?
    2. Change – though, since my neighborhood was a small community, we sometimes saw 20s and 10s, and even a 50 dollar bill in our baskets.
    1. Decks of Cards – whether playing cards, Yu-Gi-Oh, or Pokemon, grannies were always handing these out. I loved Yu-Gi-Oh back then, and I love- and am quite good at- Poker and Blackjack, but I can get my OWN cards, dammit!

    Also, my top 5 favorites would be:
    5. Twix, Snickers, Milky Way…
    4. PayDays – They are salty and delicious. Enough said.
    3. Those small soda cans – HECK yeah! Not going thirsty any more, now am I?!
    2. Reese’s ANYTHING – F*CKING PEANUT BUTTER, Dude!!!
    1. Hot Wheels Cars – Don’t question it, I LOVE THOSE THINGS! XD

  3. Drahken says:

    Bah! Whippersnappers! We didn’t have yugioh nor mini soda cans in my day.

    I wholeheartedly agree on popcorn balls & fruit (especially apples, I absolutely despise apples & anything apple flavored (with the surprising exception of jelly)).
    I couldn’t DISagree more about dumdums though, I always adored dumdums. I also liked necco wafers.
    I rarely got change. As to whether change is good or not, it depends 100% on quantity. I never got paper money.

    Good candy was simple: candy bars. Full sized ones were ideal, but never happened. The mini ones were the next best thing. Smarties were also one of my favs, I always ate them right after the mini candy bars, but before anything else.

  4. Drahken says:

    You’re nuts. Root beer is fantastic. Sour apple on the other hand is the single most putrid candy flavor in existance. Pina colada is blah, but sometimes tolerable.

  5. mwentworth says:

    I love the pineapple DumDum’s, but the rest, meh. I really like Necco wafers, but Halloween is not the proper venue for a subtle quasi-candy experience. As a kid, I lived in a rural area, where you could hit maybe 15-20 houses max and full-size bars or fistfulls of smaller treats were the norm. I actually got Hot Wheels a time or two at Halloween, but lately all I get is the door slammed in my face.

  6. Drahken says:

    The mini candy bars were the pinnacle of what was given out in my neighborhood at the time. Tootsie rolls & smarties were more typical. I don’t think I ever got so much as a single full sized bar, and I never got any “thing” (such as matchbox cars). For the most part, trick or treat was not about getting quality candy, just vast ammounts of candy.

    I just thought of what was definitely the worst trick or treat candy: Candy corn.
    I don’t think they’ve actually made any new candy corn in 100 years, they just keep reselling the same old stuff. Candy corn is the halloween equivalent of a fruit cake.

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